The Sorrow That Leads to Life

Welcome to the Abundant Life Podcast, bringing.

You encouragement and challenging believers to spiritual change and growth by applying biblical principles to everyday life.

And now your hosts, Sasso Mendez and Ben Arellano.

Welcome, everybody, to the Abundant Live Podcast.

This is episode number 78.

I'm here with my good friend and faithful servant in the faith, Sasso Mendez.

Hey, what's going on, Ben?

How you doing?

Good, bro.

I feel like we were just here a little while ago.

We kind of were, bro.

Yeah.

Kind of nice, right?

Like a few days ago, like, yeah,.

It was dusty, and now it's.

We're back, it's clear, but it's crazy hot.

It is, yeah.

So we do have a special guest today.

We do.

And.

Not sure, but special.

But just special.

Every guest is special.

Yeah, that's right.

That's right.

Just happens to be my last name.

That's okay.

Oh.

Oh, that's true.

Wow.

So how do you say special in Italian, Anthony?

It's just.

But sh.

Especially special.

You got to do that.

Yeah, yeah.

That's how you know, if you're watching.

The YouTube, you can see the.

The fingers, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

So this is Anthony.

Welcome to the show, Anthony.

Well, I'm Anthony.

Thanks.

Nice to meet you, Anthony.

Likewise.

Yeah.

Okay, well, this is the part of the show where we talk about food and I kind of know what you like, but we're on death row and you're about to hit the electric chair there.

The ride the lightning.

What.

What are you eating?

What's your last meal?

Honestly, it'd probably be something homemade from my auntie for sure.

My.

An entree from my auntie and for my great aunt, some of her pastries.

She's just one of the best pastry chefs I know.

What dish?

It's pretty vague.

Entree.

Well, I mean, it's hard to pick one.

Probably either stuffed shells or baked cd for sure.

Okay.

Okay.

Going Italian.

Okay.

It's pretty good.

Pretty good.

Good.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

She taught me how to cook, so.

I'm still waiting for that.

You know what I mean?

I. I told you.

I hear promises, but.

Yeah, give me time, you know?

You have a key to the kitchen?

Give you, Give me.

No, you have a key to my kitchen.

Oh, okay.

Oh, I love that.

I'm waiting.

I can do that.

Okay.

Okay.

So something homemade.

Yeah, something homemade.

So what.

What about, like, you know, you're out and about and, you know, you don't have time to go for homemade?

Where.

Where you going?

Like a sit down place.

Yeah.

Or sit down fast food, whatever.

I mean, you know, let's.

I mean, I'm a sucker for Chick Fil A because it's just easy.

I can just get my 30 nuggets, my grilled nuggets, and just smash that and be good.

Wow.

Okay.

Like raw or do you put sauce or.

Naked.

Naked.

Yeah.

I mean, no, no, no.

They're not raw.

I put.

I put the Chick Fil A sauce.

I'm not an animal.

Okay.

I think that's mayonnaise based, right?

I mean, it's soybean based, for sure.

Well, I mean.

I mean, let's not talk about that.

But it's the peanut oil and all, you know, whatever.

We're not.

We're not here to bash chick Fil a.

We're just talking about food.

You know, they don't do tallow.

Bam.

You know, like, no, bdubs does tallow.

That's extra.

Yeah.

You know, but, yeah, they use that peanut oil, you know, from.

Yeah, yeah, I heard.

I don't know if it's true, but I heard in and out was going to Utello.

The sooner the better.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

And they have stevia there.

I mean, hey, stevia.

They need to turn the page for sure.

Maybe their fries will taste better.

I'm not a fan of their fries at all.

Their fries are good.

You just got to get them, you know.

Well, I get them light.

Well, I don't get them full well,.

Because I get them.

Well, I've heard that.

I've actually heard that.

Yeah.

People say you got to get it well done because they do taste raw if they're not.

Yeah.

I said, I want my fries like, God made me.

You know what I mean?

The brown.

The.

Well, I will tell you a story.

I wanted, you know, went to Texas Roadhouse, and then they were.

They.

They pulled these rolls out of the oven, and they're like, oh, these are too brown.

And they threw them away.

And I'm.

It matched the color of my skin.

I was like, bro, wow.

I'm happy no one threw your way, though.

Yeah, they tried to, but it's too heavy, and I didn't fit in the compactor.

But, yeah, I was disappointed about that.

I mean, do you.

I mean, I know you like protein.

You know, you try to fast different things like that.

But I know that you kind of went off the rails a little bit.

Not to talk about, you know, oh,.

He's putting me on blast.

When you went to Chicago and kind.

Of extended, you know, you know, I mean, all the restaurants in Chicago, you know, a Lot of restaurants are really nice, but when you just got family, we can cook together and kind of build that memory of, like, we, you know, we have this goal of this dish we want to make and then do it together, you know, like trials and tribulations through new recipes.

It's kind of like, it's a very.

It's a very unique bonding experience, and I really appreciate that.

And, like, that's one of the reasons I wanted my auntie to teach me how to cook.

Cuz, like, when I have a family one day, that's what I'm looking forward.

To do, you know, Just cook for your family or.

Well, well, just build those memories of times in the kitchen, you know, like, just bond, like bonding, problem solving together.

I feel like it's just a deeper intimacy.

It's kind of like the Mexicans, bro.

We do tamales, bro.

You know?

Yeah.

But like once a year.

Not, you know, I mean, I'm not that romantic.

Yeah.

I mean, Rebecca, I'm like, can you cook?

And she said, no.

And I'm like, I'll overlook it.

And we got married anyway.

But I mean, it was pretty.

Pretty rough there.

There was not a lot of intimate moments in the kitchen.

You know what I mean?

It was, open the wallet, let's go get Chinese, or let's not eat at home to be intimate, you know what I mean?

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Eat out of a box.

Because she was not a very good cook.

So since Saturday, man, we.

We.

We ended up hitting them popos, man.

So what'd you think?

Did you put on the website or.

I think I would.

It was pretty good.

I mean, I only tried it one time.

Well, what did you get?

I got the carnitas, man.

It was pretty good.

What did Michael get over here?

Michael got, I believe, chimichangas, I think.

Yeah, they're the mini chimneys.

And you know what's funny?

I was just thinking about it, man.

Like, we.

They served up and the chips and salsa was good.

The salsa is, like, very fresh.

It's not spicy.

Well, they had two, right?

They had the.

They have the hot, and then they have the chunky, like me, you know, Chunky.

Not the hot parts.

Radio, radio face here.

But it's kind of funny because we.

I was thinking about it.

We.

We didn't finish the.

The chips.

I think we got maybe halfway into the chips.

We're just having some good discussion, you know, we're just talking, you know, talking life.

And.

And.

But I will say that the service was a little slow.

I don't Know if you had a good server pulling your tea, because I know you empty those glasses of tea pretty quick, bro.

We had two Mexicans, So we had a Mexican that did the drinks and the chips and the other Mexican that got the tip.

And really she just took our order and brought out her food.

But the other Mexican was hustling.

Yeah, she was making sure we had.

I mean, because we had Tony with us, so we probably had like six bag, you know, six chips.

You couldn't finish one.

We finished about six, so.

So we went Saturday, you went Sunday.

So what did you get?

I got the number seven.

So it's the cheese, enchilada, taco, and tostada.

What did you think?

What'd you think?

I thought it was good.

Yeah.

I liked it because it didn't come with beans and rice.

You know, those places don't make good beans and rice.

It wasn't bad, though.

Really?

I came with beans and rice and it.

It wasn't bad.

But when you say it wasn't bad or was good.

You know what I mean?

It was good.

Like, I would.

Because of the difference, you know, I mean.

I mean, I actually ate it.

Let's put it like, okay, I ate it.

Okay.

So if I'm gonna get fatter, right.

I want to be able to say like, I.

It was.

It was worth it.

Yeah.

I was not just shoving.

Yeah.

Friday night meal.

Yeah.

Sometimes, you know.

You know, the Friday night.

Sometimes suspect.

So I'm like, I can't put that down.

Got to make the calories worth it.

And then Ben, I was like, hey, Ben, you want to go to in?

I was like, yeah, let's go.

I know it's typically.

It's typically on the meatloaf night.

You know, I'm just like, meatloaf.

I don't know what was the chicken.

I forget what that was.

Remember chicken pot pie?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We don't talk about that.

Yeah, we don't even.

Tony said something about.

He was pretty angry that day.

He eats almost anything.

I know.

He'll put down anything.

He did go twice.

He.

He's.

I don't like it, but I'm going to eat it.

I'm going to get seconds.

I'm like, that makes zero sense, bro.

Like you.

You don't make any sense.

Hey, any free protein is free protein, in my opinion.

So that's what Anthony always says, and he pulls things apart.

Like, he deconstructs the food to get the protein out of it.

Like a bird with feeding their little young.

I Mean.

And this is why I don't eat in front of people, because I get judged.

He's like making out with the pot pie to pull the chicken out, spit out the carb.

Don't put me on blast, man.

That was between all of us as men, you know.

Sorry.

It was disturbing.

It's cold blooded.

Yeah.

Like, he would be a great mother for baby chicks.

They would.

I don't regurgitate the food.

They would never go hungry.

Settle down.

It's going to be the intimate moments in the kitchen, bro.

Here you go.

May I feed you?

And not in a way you've ever been fed before, baby.

Okay.

Yeah, I do.

Oh my goodness.

The fact that you've thought that hard about it, you know, I mean, good for you.

My mind's pretty fast, you know what I mean?

So it's just, it's just coming up with things really quickly here.

Yeah.

Flipping through it.

I'm glad you told me it was fast cuz I would have thought you would like marinated on for a while.

I was like, what can I say?

It would be worse.

We.

Ben would have to edit out the marinating part if we marinated on it.

Oh, but I. I mean, I think that's cool.

I mean, I think in retirement that's what I would like to learn how to cook.

I'd like to learn how to play an instrument, you know?

Yeah.

Like farty noises naturally are not like they're musical, but they're not really, you know, my own tune.

But I would love to learn how to cook.

I think it's cool, you know?

You know?

Yeah.

I mean, I can make Mac and.

Cheese, like from the box.

Yeah.

Oh, solid, bro.

You know, eggs, bacon, like, you know, breakfast food, chorizo, potatoes, whatever.

Single ingredient.

Single ingredients.

Yeah, you can grill things, but like spaghetti you can put in the water.

Right.

I don't know if it's always al dente, but I mean it's, it's.

It's just put it.

You just throw it in the water and figure it out.

Well, like seven minutes, you know what I mean?

And then at least you time it.

Yeah.

You put in some effort in.

I'm here for you.

Well, I'm stalking.

Like I've done this, right?

It's.

I know how to, but I'm not.

If Rebecca, if you talk to her, she's like, that dude hasn't put spaghetti in a pan in like since I've known him.

So basically you've just read the back of the, the package.

And I watch a lot of cooking shows, but a lot of cooking shows.

Triple G, triple D. Yeah.

Rebecca's pretty good.

So like I leave it to her.

I don't.

She is good cook.

I don't wash dishes.

I don't cook.

I mean I will, but I just.

She's kind enough to not ask me to do it cuz she.

I don't do a good job.

But.

Or is it that you act like you don't do a good job and.

Honestly I thought I did a good job.

And she's like, oh.

I'm like, I'm going do yourself.

So she does.

So we have an agreement.

You know what I mean?

I do the yard and she does the.

That's.

That's a fair trade.

It is.

It's a fair trade.

I would lose weight if I cooked for sure.

Because I.

It wouldn't be as good.

Oh, you wouldn't eat as much?

No, because it wouldn't.

It's not good.

Oh, you know what I mean?

Doesn't taste good.

Like chicken Popeye maybe.

That's your next diet plan.

Cook for yourself.

Yeah.

Meal prep.

Just macaroni and cheese forever.

A little bit of bacon.

That's not a good meal prep.

I mean I didn't say it was good, but I mean.

Yeah, I mean I love a Kraft Mac and cheese.

It's delicious.

You're not gonna lie.

That is.

It's for what it is, right?

It's good.

Absolutely.

The problem is I could eat the whole box and then still be hungry.

So why wouldn't you?

Why would you not frowned upon.

Get the family size box.

It's even better.

No, we only have the single.

Well, yeah, yeah, I won't.

Hey.

And Anthony is single, so.

Oh my.

If you see this face on YouTube, you know, and you want to engage,.

I would never specially.

Gmail dot com, I would never put the E at special.

And there you go.

And you got.

You know, you are wild.

One plus speciality equals a couple.

I've never blushed in so many men in my life.

Just for the record.

Yeah, yeah.

Sorry about that.

Good thing you got that olive complexion, you know?

Yeah, I know, I know, right?

Like Rebecca.

I know when she blushes, I'm like light brown.

Yeah, a little.

You're like the perfect role for Texas Roadhouse.

When it comes out your color, they're like, oh, this is great.

This is the quality we're looking for here.

You know, don't ever take Jim off the rolls.

So if you ever explained me to somebody, you could just be like, oh, he's Texas Roadhouse Brown.

Correct.

Yeah.

Because they have my arm on the like throw out and then they have yours, like keep, you know, on the poster for training.

On the board.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, on the board.

Yeah.

The shame hurt my feelings, bro.

I said, I'll take the ones out of the trash and we bonded.

So are you bonded with the roll?

Yeah, that's.

Yeah, I saved it.

I saved it from the trash.

Oh, that's pretty sweet of you.

Yeah, I know.

All right, should we get it?

We should get it.

We're going off the rails here and sorry, my mother in law is like.

All right, before we jump in too much, before we jump in, just want to mention we are at AbundantLive FM.

You can get all of our episodes.

You can check us out on YouTube.

We are also on meta, so Instagram and Facebook and we're going to go ahead and think Sasso has our key.

Verse and then hopefully we get Emily.

We talked to her yesterday at BDubs about the podcast and she really is the best server there at this point.

She's taking over.

Oh, yeah, she's 100.

So remember we had.

Who did we used to have?

Chelsea was Chelsea my number one and.

Then she left, unfortunately.

But yeah, Emily's and then Jamie's.

Hit or miss, right?

Yeah, she came back out of injury.

Reserve while she was on vacation and.

She made her own vacation.

Yeah, exactly.

But yeah, Emily's been rocking it.

She's been very good.

She's.

She's on it.

I mean, she told us a really funny story the other day about her kid and you know how she gets him to go to the bathroom and they play worship music.

It's kind of funny.

It's a really interesting story.

But yeah, worship music and potty time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So shout out to Emily.

Yeah, thank you for.

When I see her face, I'm like, it's gonna be a good day of B dubs.

Like, I'm already excited.

Yeah.

Like, food's gonna be bomb.

Yeah.

And anybody else I see.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

So shout out to Emily.

Thank you for actually listen to the podcast.

And she subscribed, I think.

Yeah.

So.

All right.

Also.

Also one more shout out, man.

Shout out to Nicole.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Canaloo Air.

I didn't wear the hat today, Nicole.

I apologize.

Thank you.

Thank you for your.

Your donation.

Generous support and I know I don't usually ask for that or.

Or mention that, but yeah, I mean, we do take donations to host the podcast is not free sauce.

When I don't make any money off of this.

We have to pay people sometimes.

Yeah, pretty much where I get.

So it's all out of pocket.

But, yeah, we can.

You can make a donation on the website.

There's a donation link.

And feel free, no pressure.

If anything, pray.

Pray for us and pray.

Pray with us.

And absolutely pray that this podcast reaches many and blesses many.

And that's where I'm grateful.

Like, lately, God has given us some guests, like, all lined up, and I think we have somebody after this and somebody potentially after that.

So God's really blessed in that way.

And I think the podcast had turned into testimonials of people and how God's changed their lives, which I believe is really impactful because you can relate to people or you can relate to stories or, you know, it's engaging to see how God works in our lives.

All right, without further ado, we'll do sorrow.

Sorry, Rachel, I didn't bring my book, but I came from work.

The uneasiness of pain of mind which is produced by the loss of any good are a frustrated hopes of good.

Our expected loss of happiness.

To grieve to be sad.

And I believe this is what we're going to deal with.

To grieve to be sad portion of the explanation of sorrow.

I rejoice not that you were made sorry, but that.

But the sorrow to repentance which goes into our verse First Corinthians 7.

Sorrowing most of all for the words which be spoke that they should see his face no more.

That's Acts 20.

All right, so without further ado, I mean, Anthony told me First Corinthians 7:10, which was talking about the wife lover, not a fighter.

But we then we said, okay, maybe that's not the life verse.

So we course corrected a second Corinthians 7:10.

And the.

The Bible says, for godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation, not to be repented of what the sorrow of the world worketh death sounding.

This is the verse that you picked out.

How would, how would.

How does this verse relate to your life?

And how do we get from where you were to sitting in the Abundant Life podcast studio sharing your testimony with the audience here?

You know, it was kind of relieving, actually, when I first read that verse, because as I became a new Christian started, like, realizing, like, my sins that much more.

Even after all the progress I have made, you know, from my past life, you know, it kind of reassured me that, like, I'm in the right spot.

Like I'm supposed To be feeling bad in a sense.

And then like, that's where I'm supposed to be in order to repent.

Like, it'd be way worse if I didn't feel any sorrow for anything, you know.

And I mean, it kind of sum up to like when I decided to change my life, man, Sarah was a daily feeling.

It was almost like a routine.

I mean, if I didn't, like I have.

I had to break spiritually to even come up with, like, oh, I gotta do something.

I mean, I, there's something in the back of my head that's always like, oh man, you can't do this forever.

You can't do this forever.

But I always justified it.

I'm like, well, if I end up in jail or if I end up passing away, then I don't have to deal with it.

You know that.

And that was unfortunately my mindset at the time.

Like the risk of sin, like potential consequences.

Yeah.

But I was okay with that.

Like, but I think that's where he said he had the.

You said you had kind of like a breakthrough, like spiritual.

And I think that's, and I think that's the difference right.

Between godly sorrow and just sorrow.

Sorrow.

I'm sorry I got caught or sorry, whatever.

But godly sorrow.

And I think that we have a podcast episode on this and, and sorrow, it's.

Godly sorrow is.

It's almost like a gift from God where you actually have a true repentance about what you're doing.

And I think that's what you're talking about.

Yeah, it was like, it was like a, like, like you say it was a gift, like it was a gift of desperation, honestly, is what I, like what I would call it because I was like so desperate to like just not feel this empty anymore.

And you know, X amount of years later I'm here with you guys.

And so, so, so take us back to growing up and how, how's, how's it look for you as a child coming into your, your teens and.

Well, I wasn't making the best choices as a teenager and unfortunately I got kicked out of my parents house at 15.

So I've been in the streets from 15 to 29.

In the streets, not on the streets.

I like to say that's an important distinction.

That preposition is important.

Yeah.

Choice of such.

Yeah.

You know, yeah.

And you know, it was really, you know, I kind of kind of watched my parents struggle and you know, I just, I just didn't want that for myself.

I didn't really have Like a relationship with my parents.

My dad was a great provider, did the best he could with what he knew, you know, like, like I, I don't know what I do.

I'm not a father.

I don't know what I would do.

But I know he made sure I had food and clothing.

Like, so I didn't really have a reason to like go out and do what I did.

But for some reason, like, I didn't.

I just saw the struggle and I was like, dude, if I can make enough money, then I'll be okay.

And that's like, I don't know how that developed, but so once I figured out how I could do that, it was kind of like any means necessary.

And it just progressed from there from like 13, 14 to, you know, and then once I'm out in the streets, like, I don't have.

I don't have to worry about coming home with stuff.

I don't have to worry, you know, and then with that, life progresses, you know, whether.

Whether it be, you know, violence, you know, just all the things with that lifestyle.

And it progressed slowly at times and way faster at other times.

So I mean, and then, I mean, there's so many stories.

It's just.

And then Fast forward to 29 that was.

I was in a long term relationship with the woman who wasn't in that life at all.

And she came to me and was like, like very strong, independent Mexican woman from Sinaloa.

Dang.

Yeah.

So she was, she was, she knew, she knew about that kind of like 13 cartel.

I don't know.

No.

So she knew about that life, so she kind of accepted it.

But like one day she just, she came to me and she's like, dude, I can't be with this empty shell of a person.

And you know, and like me, like, I'm in, you know, my, my first addiction, if you will, was definitely money.

Like, because I thought that was the only value I had as, as a man or as a person, period.

So I did any means, you know, to get that and then follow up with that lifestyle.

Like, personally, I don't know how else to cope.

I mean, you know, substances came, became an issue later when I was in that, like, I mean, it was a constant state of like being scared and like on top of like being either hurt or locked up or just like, I was scared just to be me because I didn't think that was okay, you know.

And so living that life, it's, it's the only way I knew how to cope was to unfortunately use because that's not normal.

You know, it's like an animalistic level, really.

It truly is.

Like, it was all about me.

What can I get?

You know, if you get in the way of my money, who, like, you know, I feel entitled to because of X, Y and Z, then, you know, I mean, didn't matter how close of friends we were.

Like, it was just like, I had to set this example because I was just scared to be me.

So I had to put up this facade of who I thought Anthony was.

So.

And then you.

Would you say your identity was wrapped up in that Persona?

Oh, absolutely.

I mean, you know, because there, at one point, it was kind of.

It was cool, if you will, you know, in my head, thinking.

And then it got real.

And then it's like, I, like, I, I. I can't pinpoint it, but it was almost like, well, I'm already here, so I might as well just keep going.

And.

And it just progressed and progressed.

And everything on the outside looked good.

Like, I had the girl, she had two kids, and we had cars and a place to live.

Like, it all looked fine.

But how I felt internally, like, I never looked at myself in the mirror.

Like, you know, I knew what was going.

And then if it wasn't me directly, I knew what I was, what was out there because of me, you know.

And.

So growing up, I mean, you.

You have an Italian background, you're dating a Mexican woman.

There's.

And typically, in.

In those ethnicities, there's Catholicism.

Did you, did you grow up in church at all?

Did you have any awareness of church?

Was there any church at all growing up?

My.

My father, he was Catholic.

He wasn't really practicing.

He just kind of.

Yeah, but when I grew up, there was this.

These kids at my bus stop that went to a Presbyterian church, and my exposure was going to a youth group with them.

Going with.

Going to youth group with them, and, you know, vbs, of course.

Okay.

Which is, you know, and I remember how much fun I had, you know, doing that.

That's.

That was kind of why, like, I wanted to help the church, you know.

Oh, this past bb.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because I was like, dude, it takes a lot to put that together, you know, and, but so I remember that.

And, you know, I'm a kid, and, like, I don't have anything outside of them, like, developing structure around the Lord.

So, you know, I'm just a kid.

I'm just kind of, like, going with emotions, if you will.

But it definitely gave me, like, it planted a seed.

Right.

Like, 100.

That there's something.

I mean, you know, when I was in that lifestyle, like, I used to think, oh, I'm just lucky, or, oh, I'm intelligent, or, oh, you know, I just know how to move, you know, it was all me.

Like, I did all these things.

And then as I got further on my spiritual journey, like, I just.

I credit it to God because it's like, for whatever reason, I'm not dead or in jail and I'm here with you guys and there's a lot of harm I put out in the world that like, I can never apologize for or make up for.

And, you know, so I say all that, but with the, with the church, that seed was planted.

And like, I used to think at times, like, God forsaken me because, like, why, why, you know, why am I living life through this?

I have friends dying, you know, like, all these things are happening to me.

And then I feel, you know, sometimes I'd have like, survivors remorse because it's like, why did he die, not me?

You know, I kind of forgot where I was going with that.

But.

You talking about the seed being planted and how God was working in your life even in that time?

Yeah, yeah.

So, like, I used to think it was all me, you know, and then, I mean, like, and now I just, like, I see, like God was there with me, like, and I had a little, like, I had a little like, Bic lighter flicker of, you know, God in me, you know, and I'm just glad he never extinguished it, you know, because I just see it all throughout that in my life of like.

And so over the last few years, as I've like, worked on myself, you know, trying to live by spiritual principles and then kind of understanding also, like, who Anthony is and like, who does Anthony, what kind of man do I want to be?

And you know, a lot of worldly things, like, I'm.

I just.

They.

It's like loose, you know, like, they change the definition and stuff.

And like, I'm not too great with change.

So, like, as I looked more into Christianity, it was like the consistency and like, how to act, you know, Like, I was never taught how to be a man.

I didn't see.

I didn't.

I didn't see like, the best role models growing up.

I just didn't have that.

And I kind of.

I don't want to say in like a bragging way, but, like, I kind of had to like, be a man at 15.

Like, I had to handle my stuff at 15, you know, so, like, I didn't even have the chance to, like, grow at all.

Yeah.

So.

And then Christian Energies, it was just like I didn't know where else to go.

And had you tried other religions or thought about any other, like, supernatural things or.

No, not, not really.

Like, I, you know, I like that you asked that because it wasn't even really a second guess.

It was more just like I kind of, you know, I got, I kind of know about it a little bit.

And, you know, and I got real curious and I started talking about it.

And it wasn't until my buddy over here gave me a Bible outside of work that I actually started reading the Word.

So because I.

So I had this idea of what Christianity was, but now that you know, I have the Word and I actually started reading it, you know.

What's your buddy's name?

My buddy's name is Michael.

All right.

He was on episode 77.

77.

77.

How God brings us together.

Yeah, that's amazing.

Anyway, how we, like last Friday we were like, you know, double light bulb turned on.

X plus four equals two.

You know, I mean, like, yeah, our equal six.

Sorry.

Yeah, I mean, it's just amazing how it comes full circle.

I mean.

Oh, absolutely.

I go up to this men's retreat, I meet Michael there, and Anthony asked me, hey, you want to thrive?

And, and did you see my boy Michael up there by chance?

I'm like, actually I did.

And we're actually having him on the pod.

So it's just amazing that full circle.

And he's the one that gave you that Bible, who you're talking about, who gave you that first Bible.

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So were you searching at that point when he gave you the Bible?

Yeah, I, I was talking about it more frequently and, and I, you know, I had this one customer who I was telling him my testimony more, more on like my backstory and he, and he noticed I kept saying God a lot.

Because at this point, like, I didn't know what else to.

So like, why am I here?

You know, So I gave the credit to God.

And he was like, oh, well, where do you go to church?

I'm like, why do you say that?

And he's like, well, you keep saying God, like, what point did you.

He even asked me, he's like, what point did you realize God had a hand in every.

All that?

I was like, oh, I don't go to church.

And then he's like, what?

Well, why not?

And I told him, you know, I play hockey on Sundays and, and you know, all the excuses, right?

But so I tried to drop the excuse.

And he's like, well, guess what?

My church has service on Saturday.

So you know, when I say something, I do it.

And it was actually Trinity.

We went to Trinity over there on McDonald in the 101.

Wow, that's God still.

Yeah.

And you know, I mean, it was a great pastor.

It was Mark Driscoll, you know, that was my first.

Like it was.

Yeah, that was like, it's Mark Driscoll church.

Okay.

Interesting.

Yeah, it's kind of a big deal, you know.

Yeah, yeah, I, I got lucky.

I was.

Felt very convicted and all that.

And so that.

How did you end up there?

Like how, how did you end up at that church?

Just cuz that's where he went.

Oh, that's where he.

Your customer.

So he invited you there?

Yeah, he invited me.

And I, and I just showed up.

And then, and then from there I just like, I kind of felt like I didn't really chase it as much, but you know, I, I just kind of kept reading.

And then as you guys know, Esther works with me and we just kept talking about it, talking about it.

And then she's like, I need, I think you need to go to church.

And.

And I was scared because like, I don't want to go by myself, you know, I was scared like, this is a whole new thing.

Like I don't feel good enough.

I don't feel this.

I'm not this.

I don't know anybody, right?

And then as she knew I was more open to it, she told me about ftl.

And I was like, well, I don't know much about Jesus, but I know a lot about addiction,.

So.

So, you know, I was like, maybe I can find, you know, that's some common ground.

And I, you know, I, you know, I'd feel more in place, you know, and also get guidance, you know, I just kind of had to like, do It.

And so I can't start to come in January.

So that.

That December I told her, I was like, yeah, next year I'm just gonna go to FTL and see what happens.

Like, worst case scenario, I go there, I don't like it.

I just never show up.

Right.

Yeah.

You know, and I.

And I thank God because, like, all the people I've met, just.

Just a lot of love, you know, So I get to FTL and it's just progressed from there.

Reading more consistently and trying, Trying to learn, you know.

Yeah.

And I think the pieces got put together right at ftl where you had Richard approach you and just say, hey, what do you want to do that.

The exchange.

And then you went through Mike, what was it?

Every Thursday you'd go to his house and you guys would do the exchange together.

And then really, Pastor, stealing the fruit of Richard.

I'm just kidding.

God gives the increase.

But Pastor, just that.

I mean, we know he's not a talkative person, right?

Not really outgoing.

To approach you and then say, hey, do you.

Can we talk?

And then.

No, absolutely.

You know, and that was, you know, and so in that specific group, when Richard approached me, Darren and Sean were there young guys, you know, and caused near and dear to my heart is like, men need to, like, look out for men, you know, because, like, I just know what it was like not growing up with any kind of role model, you know, and so, you know, and that was like, maybe my second or third time going, so, you know, I'm still reserved.

Like.

Like, I'm.

I'm quiet at first until you get to know me.

Then they're like, dude, why is he still talking?

You know, but.

But, you know, and this is God, because, like.

And who knows if I would have said something, somebody else was in there.

But I specifically wanted to share because two younger men were in there.

And like, if I even had, like, you know, maybe a halfway decent, who knows what would happen?

I mean, I'm grateful for everything that God allowed me to go through because, you know, I'm here now with you.

But so that was.

That's when Richard reached out to me, you know, it's because I was motivated by trying to help these younger men, you know, put my stuff out there so you guys don't have to go through that, you know.

But yeah, yeah, when Pastor, he wanted to talk to me out of all the people he could have spoken to that day.

And, And I, And I mentioned too, that was one day after I made the decision to change my life.

Like, March 28th, I finished, you know, the rehab and all that stuff, and I was actually clean, so.

And then March 29th, I'm saved of this year, you know, and it's just.

I'm like, what are these coincidences?

You know, it's like.

It's not.

Yeah, exactly.

You know, I'm like.

I'm like.

I can't even say that anymore.

It's like.

It's just.

God can't make that up, bro.

It's just God.

Amen.

I, like, you told the story because everybody plays God, allows us to play a part in each other's lives.

And for Michael to give you the Bible, for you to work with Esther, like, God orchestrated all that together to Even the buddy that, you know, took you to Mark Driscoll's church and how God is just.

Yeah.

Always at work.

And, you know, they talk about eagles at Quit flying.

They get depressed, and the other eagles will get food and drop it down to them so they can eat and build.

And some eagles just die, right, because they never eat the food.

And other eagles eat the food and then they fly because they get better and stronger.

I just feel like God just drops his.

His blessings and is calling us, and it's our.

We either answer the door or we don't.

But he's reaching, trying to reach us to salvation and.

And just what a powerful.

I mean, I know there's things that you told me that I don't want to say on air, you know, maybe.

Because if you don't want to share it.

But just.

Just getting to know you these last, I would say, five months, and now we're meeting Sundays and trying to do some Bible study, and you're just a sponge, and you have a lot of good questions.

And I think you brought up something, too.

When we were talking in the beginning about the YouTube video and the doctor you saw talk about the eye and different things and how that compelled you to say, wow, there must be a creator of some kind.

I. I mean, I. I always.

You know, I felt like there's something.

And then, you know, I had that little experience with the Lord as a kid.

You know, I couldn't grasp it at that point, and I, like, I just wasn't.

Wasn't ready at all, you know?

You know, the.

My story kind of boils down to, like, I was living okay with death, you know, slowly killing myself or going to jail, and that's it.

And, like, now, like.

Like, I'm alive today, and I choose to live And I pray for tomorrow, you know?

You know, because like, I, I definitely feel like if I can change, anybody can, you know, it.

But, but it's like a lot of hard looks at oneself.

I mean, there's a lot of times where I've looked at myself.

I'm like, is this who you want to be?

You know, and that's not always pleasant.

You know, it's a lot of accountability, like, how do I do that?

You know?

And then even, even after changing my life, say there was, there was an event that happened where I just wasn't okay with who I was spiritually.

You know, without substances, without that past life behaviors, it was just more like, all right, so am I going to keep chasing this same pain and sorrow or do I look at myself and actually like, do something about it and change?

And then that's when I realized, like, I need to go something deeper than the morals of the way I'm living right now in Christianity.

Because it was like, I just didn't second guess it.

I was like, this sounds like, you know, you know, because also like the world is like so against like what we believe in in the Bible.

I'm like, it's almost like in your face like that.

Why would they try, actively try so hard to go against something if there wasn't some validity to it?

And it's only Christianity too.

I mean, right.

When you say anything against a different another religion, you're, man, you're just being oppressive or you're being whatever.

But when you say something about Christianity, nobody cares.

Nobody cares.

No, it's like almost encouraged.

Yeah, it's encouraged.

And like you'll watch a TV show and it's just out of nowhere and they just say, drop some stuff.

You're like, yeah, like they have this whole new word for, for people that speak out against like Muslims or Islam.

They call them Islamophobias or it's like, yeah, there's a whole word for it.

Like, there's nothing like that for Christians.

Like, there's no Christian phobia.

Like, it's, yeah, it's, it's pretty wild.

But you kind of know because I mean, the Bible's very clear.

The, the, the gate, the path is narrow.

You know, not many people go.

And, and so it's just indicative.

I mean, the Bible is absolutely 100 true.

And you actually see it like, yeah, you see that in the world.

Yeah, I, I mean, and then the biggest thing that's really helped me is actually just reading the Word.

I mean, I know when I Was reading Leviticus.

Wow, that's deep, bro.

We're only like five months in.

Dude, that's, that's spiritual, bro.

Well, cuz, I, I, I unfortunately think in extremes, so I'm either 0 or 100.

Wow.

Overachiever.

No, no, no, not, no, it's, it's, I'm just.

Did you read from scroll or.

He's reading the Hebrew, bro.

He like speaks Aramaic.

I learned a whole nother language so I can do it.

For real.

No, but like, you know, reading the, reading the laws and you know, and thank God for Richard because he gave me that study Bible because like, I mean, I appreciate that Bible you gave me, brother, but I need a little more, man.

I need a little more.

It was just a starter, get you started.

Whatever gets me in, right?

But I'm like reading all these laws, you know, and then his extension of like explanation for the laws and I'm like, do you know how much misery I would have not had if this was a basis for my life, you know, in.

Because you always hear like, oh, God wants to control.

You know, the world, says God wants to control you.

You know, you should love and love and live.

And you know, like, it's like, okay, I mean, that's fine.

But like, I know all the sins or a lot of the sins I've done, you know, And I'm just like, man, if I would have not done that, probably this wouldn't, you know, all these things that got allowed, you know, obviously for his greater glory.

But that actually showed me.

I was like, this is how much love he has.

Because as he, you know, he's saying, he's commanding all these things.

Right.

It's like, well, I know how much pain I was in not listening to this.

Yeah.

Or abiding by it, however you want to say it.

But.

And it was just like, wow.

Like, you know, that's, that's love.

That's not control.

You know, love is not always pleasant.

Right.

Love is not always positive.

Love is sometimes, because I love you, this is what's going to happen.

Right.

It's painful sometimes to express that.

And I think in God's correction, He said, no person sees correction as a pleasant thing, but it is.

Because I'm telling you, just like if we look at our nervous system, when you're in pain, nobody says, thank God for my nervous system, but it really is a gift from God to keep you from destroying yourself, to saying, here, here's boundaries and limitations that I've installed in your body.

Because if I did not you probably would kill yourself thinking that you can do whatever.

And, and I, I feel like that's God's way of, you know, I think godly parents bring about that picture.

And that's, I mean, I got spanked a lot in my life on the bottom, you know, many times where it felt like it was, you know, like Rudolph snows, right?

Just glowing.

And as a kid, I never saw that.

Like, I'm so thankful my parents spanked me, right?

But as an adult, given the context of life and the different decisions that I've made or choices and how that framed my mindset and taught me boundaries to say, if you do that, this is going to happen to you.

And many times in this world, right, we have fatherless homes, we have children that don't have correction and they live like it and they don't care about other people and they live for themselves.

And I'm, I'm thankful for that correction.

And that's what a heavenly father does, is he says no, but it's not because he doesn't want you to have fun, because he knows that's not fun.

He knows that there's, it's empty at the end of the day, right?

Like you at the end of, you know, a binge of drinking or doing drugs, there's not like, man, I feel so great after that, right?

I've never met anybody that they may have enjoyed the drug, right?

But they don't enjoy what's happened to them after the drug.

And we see it in freedom that lasts, right?

With alcohol, drug addiction, things like that, where it absolutely destroyed their life.

And God has, with his transforming power, changed it, right?

It's a new life that he's given us.

Absolutely.

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How does things look now?

I mean, now that you are a Christian and you have these, you know, you've been reading the Word so you kind of look at, you're looking at life through Some different lenses now, Right?

I know you mentioned at the beginning of the, of your testimony that you didn't really have good relationship with your parent.

Has that changed anything?

Has that changed how you see anything about maybe your relationships with other people, your parents, or just things within your life?

Like, do you see things a little bit different now?

Maybe.

I mean, how do I.

How do I articulate this?

My.

I mean, my parents are encouraging of it.

I. I just don't have that deep of a relationship with my parents.

I'm very grateful.

I have, you know, another support group to bounce stuff off of.

Yeah.

I mean, I love my parents dearly.

I'd literally do anything for them, but it's just, it's.

We're just not there.

I mean, there's no like, resentment or any bitterness.

It's just, you know, we haven't really fostered it, you know?

Yeah.

What I've noticed mainly with like, the different lens is my sensitivity to sin.

And, you know, like, I. I remember one time sharing an ftl, I was like, dude, I'm overwhelmed.

Like, I can't do this.

Like, this is, this is way too much.

I was just totally, like, transparent.

I'm like, I can't.

Like, all I'm.

All I'm realizing is how horrible I am more and more and more, and it's just making me feel worse, you know, thank God I got over that and learned, you know, like, true salvation.

Like, it's.

It doesn't.

None of us deserve it, regardless of what we're doing.

It's not meant to condemn you.

It's meant to convict you.

Right.

You'll feel conviction, but you're not condemned.

Right.

Yeah.

And, you know, and now like, so instead of just like being in my pity party, I'm more grateful because it's like, I kind of look at, like, how are my actions making me feel, you know, like.

Like, do I want to constantly keep doing this even though I know it's wrong?

You know?

Yeah.

And.

And I'm not perfect, like, for sure, you know, but it's what I'm learning now.

I mean, I just talked about you talk to you about this.

You know, it's like I just go to the father as soon as I, you know, as soon as I feel convicted, like, because that, because what would happen before is like, when I, when I, when I'm in active sin, I'm just like, oh, well, I'm here now, know.

It's, you know, 0 to 100.

Like I told you guys, I'm like, might as well, spiral, you know, and, you know, that's kind of like why I ended up saying, like, hey, I'll do the podcast because, you know, I'm doing things I shouldn't be doing.

And I'm like, let's just get back into it.

Let's.

I'm gonna ask you one, one, one last time, and that's it, and I'll let you decide.

And so I'm glad you decided to come on.

Yeah, yeah.

It's, you know, so I'm just trying to get more consistent.

So.

But.

But the lenses, it's like, you know, I see God and everything now, and it's kind of like, relieving because, like, I don't even have to take credit for anything.

I'm like, that's just the Lord, man.

Like.

Like, I'm just.

I'm just a dude, bro.

You know?

And.

And, you know, that's really.

That's really.

I think, you know, and just keeps me more positive.

Like, God's got this regardless, you know?

Like, I just have to have the faith, you know, And I'm very blessed that I haven't.

It hasn't really been put to test, not until, like, recently, as you guys know, with the job and everything.

But.

And I was telling you last night, like, I feel like it's me, and, like, I gotta kind of walk the walk now, you know, with faith, with the finances, all that stuff.

And it's scary, but it's like, I'm totally.

I'm just here for it, you know?

Like, I'm here for it.

I think of Jesus, right, in the.

When he.

When he would walk this earth and the waves were boisterous and they were going everywhere, and he was asleep because he wasn't worried.

Right?

He was in the hands of the Father and our human.

It's hard for us to have that same temperance as he does because we're.

We trust in ourselves, and God is the last option.

Like, well, if all else fails, pray.

Right?

Christians used to say that.

They're like, well, before it fails, pray.

If it fails, pray.

Whatever it is, pray.

And that's the.

That's what he says.

Casting all your cares upon him.

Right?

Casting your burdens upon me.

Right?

Take my yoke upon you.

Learn of me all these verses he gives us to say.

You're not here to walk alone, right?

You're not here to walk this.

Live this Christian life, Anthony, by himself, right?

Right.

He said, no, I'm.

I'm here with you.

Right?

I give you my Holy Spirit to indwell.

You upon salvation.

And I'm here with you, right?

You.

You pray to me and I'm.

As soon as you.

I'm.

I'm here, like we're.

And if you look at the footprints.

Right.

That's a beautiful poem.

And like, God, where were you, you know, in these hard times?

And he said, I was carrying you, like you didn't realize.

And I think godly parents bring about that same thought to me is all the things that I didn't worry about as a kid is because I had utmost confidence in my parents.

I didn't worry about meals, I didn't worry about, yeah, we're going to lose our house.

And I know some kids do.

And that's kind of where I like to get with God, right?

Where I'm total dependent on him and I'm not worried about my job.

I'm not worried about anything because it, why, it doesn't do any good.

You know, he's.

He's.

He has it under control and the sovereignty of God.

And I think it's just powerful to act.

I mean, I think you work like it depends on you, but then you act like it all depends on God because ultimately it does depend on you.

God doesn't mean that we're lazy, but it does mean that he's in control, as you can see through your life, right from vbs you would have never thought that would have taken you to a relationship with him.

No.

Yeah.

Oh, go ahead.

Oh, I was just going to say, you know, I mean, and for me personally, like, just because I have faith that God's going to work it out doesn't mean I get to be passive.

You know, I can't just, you know, I cannot show up to work tomorrow and be like, oh, you know, God's got me.

Yeah, he'll supply my needs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be fine, you know, but.

Yeah, yeah.

No, all I was going to say is it's, it's easy to say, you know, that God is sovereign and to trust him, you know, when you're not in the thick of it.

But sometimes you're in the thick of it, you're in the waiting room, whatever, and you're waiting on God and, and sometimes it's not easy, but I know when I've been in those positions when it's not easy, I always know that when I have come out of it, I've always looked back and, man, God was there every step of the way.

He's never left me without.

He's never forsaken me.

Ever.

I mean, even back before I was a Christian.

I mean, so many stupid things that I've done in my life where I could have died or done something, you know, whatever.

And he was even there, like.

Right.

And.

And.

And just like you also mentioned since vbs, like, when you went to vbs, you weren't a believer back then, but he brought you full circle all the way.

Absolutely.

From that point on.

I mean, so, yes, he is sovereign 100%.

It's not always easy to kind of just sleep in the boat like Jesus.

Not always easy.

But that is the best place to be, though, to.

To be under the care of God and under his sovereignty.

Understanding that you.

He's.

Yeah, he is in control.

Because I think sometimes we are delusional.

I say I'm delusional if I think I'm in control because I'm not.

Oh, yeah.

And when I try to grasp and hold on to things and control things, like, God's just like, what are you doing?

Like, I have this.

Like, what do you think?

And I'm probably making things worse.

I'm probably.

You know, it's like kind of like Paul kicking against the go.

Like in that.

In that verse, you know, I'm kind of oppressed opposing God, and he's just like, let go.

Like, I've got this, this.

And so not always easy, but it's 100 true.

No, for sure.

I mean.

I mean, my piece is directly correlated with how much I kind of let go and let God, you know, I mean, there's relationships I've held on to that just wasn't good for me.

But, like, I wanted that control.

And then also, I. I didn't have the strength and courage to, like, actually end it because I wanted to hold on to something so bad.

And the Lord, you know, he ended it for me, you know, so.

But I'm thinking about the.

The way I walked through that wasn't graceful at all.

But I learned a lot about myself.

And then eventually, like, God allowed that for me to actually get a deeper understanding of who I.

Who I was, you know, and, you know, I thank him for that because if I would have just trusted him and just been like, okay with it, you know, having the Lord, and then I would have been, you know, went.

Gotten through the grief a lot more easier, you know.

So when you look at you said your girlfriend's like, I can't be with this empty shell of a person in comparison to where you are now, what would you say is the biggest difference in that?

Anthony versus today's Anthony.

Besides the obvious, I mean, me, like, you know, you're a believer, but how has God worked in your life since that point?

You know, this.

I was just so self centered, you know, everything was about.

Everything was me.

All, all, all the stuff I had, you know, you know, the money, any, you know, it was all me.

You know, I took credit for everything in my life to point out something mean.

There's just so much.

It's, you know, I'm a man of my word today.

Like, I show up for my friends.

I'm.

I'm more considerate.

It's just day and night.

I wouldn't be having this conversation with none of y', all, you know, it would.

You know, every relationship I have was transactional now.

Like, I show up for people or I do things out of kindness and not out of like, what can I do for you?

What can you do for me?

You know, like, I, like, I, I mean, if you would have told me five years ago that I'd be sitting here doing a Christian podcast, I would have told you.

I've been like, are you buying something?

You know, I mean, I'm like, smoking.

Yeah.

You know, Did I sell it to you?

Yeah, no, exactly.

Like, like, what do you need right now?

But, you know, and it was gradual, but I mean, you know, doing my resume with that, you know, kind of put it into perspective.

Like all these things I'm doing, like, on paper and like, I never built a resume in my life.

And it was like, dude, like this, this is like a list of things I've achieved in the last X amount of, you know, and I doubt and I downplay a lot of things I do just because, like I was telling you earlier, like, I'm like, I'll achieve a goal.

I'm like, what's next?

What's next?

It's like, it's never enough.

But seeing it on paper, I'm like, it was almost like, wow, this is actually who I am today.

And I mean, to sum it up, it would be like I can look myself in the mirror and be okay, you know, and, and when I do fall, I don't have to use that as justification for like, oh, just keep it going.

You know, I, I know, like, whether I fall or not, the Lord's gonna love me the same way.

You know, and that's, that's an unconditional love that, that I didn't know what that was.

And then into that life, that transactional love, which I was totally okay.

Okay with because I didn't Want to get to know anybody anyway, you know, like he, he loves me when I can't love myself.

And unfortunately that happens some, you know, more often than not.

But it doesn't have to stay there, you know, I don't have to sit in that pity party because I could trust and like just look at what he's done, you know, I mean the, you know, people I know, that stuff I do for work, you know, it's, it's, it's all him.

Like because Anthony wants to go be a menace to somebody society, you know, that's Anthony's will.

We all do, you know, I mean, and, and it's.

And now I can, you know, I can seek his will and try to find a purpose to adhere to that instead of just like.

Cuz relying on my own devices is never a good.

It's never.

Hasn't.

Hasn't turned out well yet.

You know, I don't think I know anybody that it has turned out well for.

I mean, no, we all born with that bent to sin.

We're all born with that selfishness that you're talking about.

I mean that's.

We, we do love ourselves so much that we want to feed ourselves, indulge ourselves into sin.

And I think the beauty, the beauty of, of.

Of being saved is now I'm dying to myself.

It's like.

I think it was the apostle John said, or maybe it was John the Baptist.

I remember number.

But he said he must, he must increase and I must decrease.

And so I, I need less of me and more of the Holy Spirit.

I need, I need to fought like you said.

I need to follow his will.

Yeah.

And, and I think that's the, that's the beauty of it because when we do that then man, it's like things just kind of work out like a lot better.

That's God's plan versus my plan.

Like it's much better.

Absolutely.

I mean it's kind of.

That brings me back to like that, that control I had like you mentioned earlier.

Like, like when I'm trying to live in Anthony's will and force Anthony's will.

I mean God's still in control, right?

Like he, he's still handling the business.

And I'm sitting there thinking, I'm like, oh no, no, no, I'll take what I want, you know, get what I want.

And you know, and I'll.

And I'll just be so uneasy and just restless because I'm holding on to something.

When God's like, it's almost like I'm trying.

I'm limiting God, like, if I think this is the best I can, instead of trusting that the Lord has way better plans than me.

100, You know, and I think that.

Was something we learned up at Thrive, actually.

And I think CJ talked about it and he said that God's always going to give you what's best for you for his greatest glory.

And I thought that was pretty profound statement.

Like, he's always going to give you what's best for you.

And like you said, Sasso, sometimes love doesn't look pretty all the time, but it's always going to be the best for you.

Whatever he's giving you, it's that moment for his greatest glory.

For his glory.

Yeah.

And I think that was a profound statement.

I mean, even the Apostle Paul said, right, for me to live is Christ.

And that was his focal point of living.

And I'm in Acts and he talks about Paul being stoning at the head of stoning.

Stephen.

Yeah.

Chiefest of sinners.

And God changed his life.

And I think that's so beautiful, the stories in the Bible, because it shows us that not everybody grew up in Christian home or not everybody grew up following Christ, but he can redeem that life.

And there is a brother I was talking to that's kind of going through depression.

And I said, man, our identity is not in what people think about us.

It's not what we think about ourselves.

It's what it's rooted in Jesus Christ.

That's our identity as a believer because that's our Father.

Like he, we.

He's purchased us.

Like we are adopted into the family of God and no longer am I looked at.

Whatever your sin might be, right, or ever your addiction.

And it's not that it's redeemed, right?

It's I am in Christ.

That is my identity.

No matter how I feel, no matter what I think, this is what truth.

And that's what I love about, I mean, Christianity and the Bible is, is that it's, it's real.

It's.

It's truth.

It's not my truth.

It is the truth.

And there is no truth that I can have outside of Jesus Christ because he is, he'll say, right, I am the truth.

I am the.

I am the life, right?

And even the Bible says my word is truth, right?

That's he, he and that's, that's another name for him is the truth.

And so that's why I love it.

And I have an employee who I had a one on one with this week.

And I invited her ftl.

She said she would love to come, so hopefully she'll come.

And she signed me.

She was in Jehovah's Witness.

And what I think about, about the 144,000.

And I'm like, well, what if there's already like 144,000?

Like, am I like, who's in my room right now?

You know, like, you go to the retreat and there's like two dudes.

Like, I ain't sharing a bed with the, with the dude in a small bed.

Like, no, thank you.

Yeah.

And I said, that's not biblical.

I don't.

And she just said, well, what do Baptists think?

You know?

And I said, well, I, I wouldn't say it's.

I mean, we have beliefs, but basically we follow the Bible.

That's our sole authority for all things.

Things.

It's not what our pastor says or if he doesn't say it out of the Bible, then it's not true.

And that's what I appreciate about the he's following God is that it's the truth and it's, I mean, I've been reading about for a long time and it's never changed.

It's always been the same.

We don't have like the Mormons where, you know, the, whatever the out.

The highest ranking elder can make different rules, like, oh, polygamy is bad night.

Oh, now we, we can drink soda.

Or the Pope, are we going to have caffeine?

Or the popes looked at as a deity of Christ, which is blasphemous.

And he can change rules too, I.

Think, and he can change rules like where now they're being more lenient towards homosexuality.

Homosexuality and things like that.

Where the Bible's like, this is what God said and that's it.

There's no, period, there's no, we don't change for society.

Right.

And God doesn't either.

He makes no exceptions for s percent.

So I think Ben asked this question of Michael.

What, what would you want?

Like, you're, you're talking to Sean and Darren here.

What would you want your parting words to be to someone that's maybe where you were at or maybe struggling or maybe finds it difficult to be a Christian due to the, you know, the conviction that God has put on you now?

You know, I mean, I probably first off, like, give yourself a chance.

And then once you give yourself a chance, like, give yourself grace.

And if you, if you can't give yourself grace, find people around you that will give it to you until you can do it for yourself.

And then lastly, like the Lord's giving it to you regardless.

And that's my opinion.

That grace, I think is.

It's paramount to why I'm in this situation right now compared to something much worse.

Yeah, I think that's pretty much start small because those baby steps add a.

I mean the Bible talks about grace upon grace, you know, grace being unmerited favor.

I mean that's just.

We don't deserve his grace, but he just showers us with it.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

And I was talking to old timer and he said, I go, how you doing?

He said, well, you know, I'm getting old.

He's in his 80s.

He said, but I just learned to put one foot in front of the other.

And that's the Christian walk.

Right?

One foot right in front of the other and focused on God, depending on God, looking for God and just heaping them.

You're so focused now you're not perfect.

Right?

Right.

But you are redeemed.

And he's.

You're perfect in his eyes because he saved you.

Amen.

And that's the power.

Salvation.

I mean, yeah, I would.

Reading, reading absolutely helped me too, you know, because like I would.

Like I mentioned earlier, I'm 0 to 100 when I think, when I do things usually.

And just reading it and how it constantly reminded me like one, I don't have to do it alone.

And that it's not, you know, it's not a switch that turns off or on.

You know, it's a constant relationship.

And I think that's the beauty of it because it's like I can take this relationship as far as I want to nurture it.

That's the beauty of it.

Right.

Because a relationship is motivated by love.

It's motivated.

You do it because you want to, not because you have to.

Right.

So you, you want to build that relationship.

So it's motivated by love and a desire to want to do it.

Not.

Not.

Rule based or not, I've got to do this today so I can please my deity.

Right?

Right.

Gotta, you know, wreck this plane into a building so that I can go to like.

It's not.

I get my nails done, they got like some good fruit.

And Buddha's already fat and he ain't eating none of it.

I'm like, bro, hook me up.

I got a story about that.

I need a little snack.

I have to tell you later.

I got a story about that.

That's kind of funny.

My Buddha ain't gonna no self discipline.

This guy look at him.

And I'll take a apple.

Yeah.

Well, guys, I think, I think we're gonna go ahead and wrap things up.

Anthony, thank you so much for your testimony.

Thank you for being transparent and, and, and really just delving into everything that the Lord has brought you to.

I mean, it's, it's really an amazing, truly an amazing story how you, when you just connect all the dots and, oh, yeah, and there's more to come.

It's not.

We're not done yet.

Like you said, 0 to 100.

So I expect, I expect you to have, you know, the big Leviticus memorized here in the next week and a.

Wife and, you know, all the above.

We'll be on to the book of Isaiah next, right?

You know, Isaiah, Jeremiah, we'll hit those major prophets.

I mean, I'm just grateful to call you a friend.

And it's been neat seeing God work in your life and your desire to know him more and just your faithfulness and our sometimes late night Friday talks and things of that nature.

And I'm just excited to see what God will do in your life next.

And so thank you so much for coming on the show.

No, I appreciate you guys.

Thank you.

All right, well, thanks, everybody for joining us for this edition of the podcast.

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