God is Good: A Testament to Faith from Peter Silvas’ Life Story

Welcome to the Abundant Life Podcast, bringing.

You encouragement and challenging believers to spiritual.

Change and growth by applying biblical principles to everyday life.

And now your hosts, Sasso Mendez and Ben Arellano.

Welcome, everybody, to the Abundant Life Podcast.

This is episode number 73.

I'm here with my good friend and faithful servant in the faith sauce.

So, Mendez.

Hey, Ben.

What's going on?

What's up, brother?

It's like, it's been a month or so.

It's been a little bit, but it's usually that, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Once a month.

I think it's a goal.

It's the norm.

Amicable.

Yeah.

We do have a special guest.

He had just told me right now that his primo JJ did not set him up for success.

But we have JJ's cousin Peter joining a special guest.

And, Peter, say hello.

How you doing?

I.

You know, I mean, thank you guys for having me.

I appreciate it, you know.

Yeah, J.D.

didn't put me up on game, man.

He just, wow, threw me out there.

And just, you know, I was like, man, just give me a little bit of, you know, pointers, bro.

What's up, man?

I mean, come on, man.

I mean, we had to tell jj.

Hook a brother up.

I know.

Jj, eat the mic.

Because JJ was far away.

It sounded like he was, like, JJ was chilling, right?

I know.

You could barely hear him.

He was living his best life way back here.

Get that gangster lean.

That sounds like all the way back.

And he could barely touch the petals.

That sounds like.

That sounds like.

So we like to go ahead and just what we call this, taco talk.

And every guest that we have, we like to ask them what is their favorite food or what, you know, what.

What's.

You know, what is your palate fancy?

My wife, she.

She makes these tacos that chicharron.

Wow.

So those are my little go to.

And my sister makes these.

We just had them yesterday because we went to a birthday party, but some green chicken, chili enchiladas with the.

With the cream of chicken.

It's good, man.

Fire.

Well, we went to.

When I went to the hospital to see you, your sister made you a pie or a cake or.

What was that?

It was a cheesecake.

Cheesecake.

Yeah, it was a cheesecake.

Half cheesecake.

I know you politely offered, and we're supposed to decline, but Tony did not decline, and he took a big piece.

He'll say, oh, no, thank you, bro.

Even though he wants it.

You're supposed to say, no.

But he.

He did indulge.

That's not.

That's not shocking, bro.

No, it's not.

I would expect nothing less than from humans.

Garbage disposal.

Give it to Mikey.

Give it to Tony.

He's a large man.

I think he had some Carl's Juniors or something.

Oh, yeah, it was.

That was my little.

Yeah, my little stand right there in the hospital for a little bit while doing the radiation there was.

They were giving.

Bring me food, you know, it had the hospital food, but.

But my sister.

My wife was there to bring me food.

No, I didn't get none of that.

I didn't really know that, man.

But since you've been back home, that she took you.

Oh, yeah.

Yes.

Like I said yesterday, went to a party and she had that.

The green chili enchiladas.

Yeah, Green chili from like, Hatch, New Mexico, or is it just.

Oh, no, it's just from my area.

Yeah.

Okay.

Like from Buckeye.

Okay.

Not imported.

No, I mean, has been from New Mexico, so he's kind of.

Yeah, my chili snob.

A little snobbish on the.

I love that green chili from New Mexico.

It's good Stu stuff, man.

That's what I was born.

I was born out there.

Oh, yeah?

Where at, man?

I was born in Hobbs.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah, my mom, my dad, J.J. we were both.

He.

He was born.

Yeah, we.

We just found out, me and JJ together.

Not we didn't just find out, but I just found out that he was born out there too as well.

He lived with my.

My mom.

Well, he didn't.

But his parents lived with.

Okay, my parents for a time out there.

He's from Hops too, right?

Yeah, he was born out there.

He was born out there too.

That sounded familiar.

Yeah, that DJ was right there.

All right, so fellow New Mexicans here.

Right on, bro.

I don't.

I don't.

I don't know nothing.

Honestly, I don't know nothing about.

I mean, I got family out there.

I mean, I've never lived out there.

You know, I spent all my life out here.

I was just born out there.

And I came out here to Arizona where my family's at.

Okay.

Where did you live here?

I grew up in Guadalupe, Arizona.

Yeah, From Guadalupe, Arizona.

And I grew up with my two sisters and two cousins.

My grandma raised.

Raised five of us there.

You got any good spots down there to eat in Guadalupe?

Oh, yeah.

Well, I mean.

I mean, they got the youngis, you know, they always have.

Didn't have different little shops in there, the little Mexican shops, you know, or different little restaurants you got.

I haven't been there in a While.

But there's some pretty good.

They had a good seafood, like a Marisco Center.

All right.

I'm always apprehensive about Mariscos in Arizona because we're so far from the ocean, you know what I mean?

Oh, yeah.

A little nervous.

Fresh.

Fresh.

Yeah.

Put some spray on.

Some sardine spray.

Where's the ocean at that they're getting that from?

Yeah, I know.

It cannot.

It cannot park the lake with the river.

Yeah.

Like the Simpsons or the fish with the three eyes, you know, out of the power plant.

You never know.

You know, you don't get the choro from the.

From the.

Out there in the river bottom.

I know.

Yeah.

Salt river over there.

Close to.

What is it, Palo Verde or what is it?

Not palo Verde, That's.

That's a power plant.

Yeah, it's a power plant.

Yeah, over there.

Peter lived by the palo Verde.

There you go.

Buckeye, right?

Find the fish of the guys there, bro.

I know.

It's a little mission out there, man.

Thank you for coming out here.

I mean, I remember I had a court case over there.

I mean, when I say court case, I mean my dog got out of the gate.

It's not like, you know, anything crazy.

But I went to the front and I asked the person.

I was like 45 minutes late.

I said, hey, you know, where do I go?

And the guy's like, hey, go to the.

There's a little small.

I mean, it's a small office with the courtroom.

He said, go in the courtroom.

Wait for the judge.

So I wait 10 minutes and then it's the same guy with the black robe on.

I'm like, it's the same guy that was at the front desk and he said, how do you plead?

And I mean, it was a misdemeanor for my dog, and so I pleaded guilty, whatever.

And then he's like, go to the front and pay the fine.

So I go to the front and I'm waiting another 10 minutes.

The same guy with no robot says, takes my money.

He's like, okay, thank you.

And I'm like, this thing.

Like the same dude?

Yeah, he's the police, the.

The judge, secretary, everything.

I'm like, dang.

Buckeye is a small, small place.

Yeah, I mean, it's pretty small.

I'm sure it's bigger now, but it's like a one horse town, as they would say.

Pretty small.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He goes, you go through there and you're just one.

Road 85 with Route 85 or Highway 84.

Yeah, 85 or something.

Just go straight through there.

Pretty small, but it's growing all the way out to Tonopah.

And all that area is growing pretty fast.

So how long take you to get out here?

About 45 minutes.

Yeah, man, probably about an hour.

Sorry, bro.

Yeah, I was kind of late, too.

I mean, I thought, you know.

We worried about you.

You know, I was gonna call JJ to see if he could fill in.

If he didn't show, you know, I thought maybe he'd fallen asleep or something, you know, and, you know, you got.

Or whatever.

I know you're going through a lot, so.

Yeah, still.

All right, well, we can get into it.

Anything interesting?

You eating?

I mean, we've been to Bdubs a couple times, but.

Yeah, nothing.

Nothing special.

I mean, you know, I've had Georgian sons the other day.

I, like.

I know you don't care too much for, you know, for Asian, but I like the.

It was pretty good.

I like it.

I mean, it's.

It's.

It's upgraded from panda, bro.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, it's good Asian food.

Yeah.

But for whatever reason, I don't know, I just kind of.

I mean, I like.

Because I like rice, and I like, you know, noodles and, you know, that kind of stuff.

And then, you know, they make the chicken spicy.

I got the general Yang or sour, whatever it is.

Chicken, it's spicy, you know, and I like.

Because I like spicy general gato.

Sophie, come here.

Oh, man.

That's horrible.

You like Chinese food, Peter?

You know, I haven't really been big.

I've never really been big on Chinese food.

Not, you know, a big fan of it.

My wife, she is.

I just don't understand it.

I mean, I don't know.

She got my kids all into sushi right now, and.

Oh, boy.

And it seems like it's everywhere.

And I don't understand.

I just barely found out, I guess, or just learned that that sushi's rice.

And I didn't know that and probably sound dumb right now because I guess it's just rice and just other little things that they raw.

I mean, you can get raw fish.

You can get shark, tuna, whatever.

You can get all kinds of.

In the roll.

Yeah.

But it's pretty much just rice, right?

In a roll.

It's a California roll.

But then they put like.

Like raw salmon or whatever.

You know, like, the rice is the tortilla, and then they put things in it, you know?

But, yeah, I just.

I have expensive, too.

Yeah, it's not very flavorful.

Honestly, I've never had it.

It's just, I don't know, I.

That one, I, that I get like what you're saying I don't get.

I don't get the sushi.

Like I don't.

Yeah, it's different.

There's different.

There's different things in there that's they're explaining to me.

You get avocado roll.

Yeah, that's okay.

That's good.

Yeah.

But it's like 18 bucks for like three rolls.

I'm like.

Give you garnet with 14 bucks.

But it's full of meat.

Yeah.

I could feed all four of my kids or all three of my kids with one burito.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Like I'd rather have some 34.99, bro.

Bone in.

20 ounce.

I mean.

Yeah, yeah, the bone in is good.

The 20 ounce.

Yeah.

Well, everyone went to Ensenada and they had those pools of fish where they're like that pool with the net is very expensive.

Yeah.

Remember that?

Yeah.

And it's like the.

Wasn't it like owned by the Chinese government or something?

Like it was like other countries that.

Like the Cheetos on it, bro.

Yeah, Mexico.

And it was like these in the middle the ocean, right?

Yeah.

And they had like where they were cultivating the.

These fish are probably for fish farms.

They're farms and they're high end fish that they've sold for a lot, a lot of money.

Yeah.

Like one fish is like thousands of dollars or something.

Crazy.

Oh, that's crazy.

Yeah, yeah.

And they're like guarded too, like aren't they?

Like, I mean they're watched like.

Yeah.

In case try to steal.

Yeah, it's.

Yeah, it's pretty crazy.

And they make, they make.

After they breed them and stuff, they put them on the grill.

So I think what they do is they sell them to high end restaurants throughout the world and I think they're very valuable fish.

So I mean it's a expensive, that's expensive fish.

Whatever.

The fish probably like sushi.

That's the real, you know, the, the high end sushi.

Sushi.

Not the all you can eat small bucks.

Not like like the Poke bar or whatever it's called Pocket Bar or whatever.

The ones they got in Rancho Mart right here.

Marisco's at Food City.

Yeah, you're not gonna see that there.

And how to get sushi in that.

And the Rancho Marks, this is AJ.

Fish, you know, I mean this is high end.

Yeah, but they said they're really valuable, right?

I don't know.

They put a net in the middle of the ocean, and that's why it.

Looks like a ring just floating on the water, but then the net goes underneath.

But they're like fish farms or something like that.

Wow, that's pretty wild.

I can see fish get too fat and they can't fit out the net.

I don't know how that works, but I don't know.

Or maybe they just, you know, string it up and throw it on the boat and.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, you got somebody, they got a wrangler or somewhere, somebody go down and arrest.

Yeah, for real.

They're big, you know, so Mexico, who knows?

But it's big business.

They sold it to the.

To the Chinese people.

So give me your fried rice recipe and we'll let you have a net in the water.

I don't know, some trade, some bartering, something.

Yeah.

All right, you ready?

Yeah, let's.

Let's get into it.

And before we get into the content, just want to remind you guys to Visit us at AbundantLife FM.

You can download episodes.

You can also check us out on YouTube.

We have all of our videos.

We've been putting up some cool content.

We, you know, got some reels and shorts now coming up.

And so we've been doing a lot of stuff with social media, so check that out.

For sure.

See jj.

Yeah.

Yeah, you can check out JJ up there.

I don't know.

It's a few podcast episodes ago, and we had the one with JJ and.

And his police officer buddy.

Forgive me, I can't remember his name.

I know.

I'm trying to think right now, anyway.

But yeah, Visit us on YouTube.

We're also on.

On meta on Facebook and Instagram and actually, we just started Tick Tock, so, uh, we get a lot of hate on Tick Tock, bro.

Really?

Uh, you know, we did the, uh, Charlie Kirk episode and, man, get a lot of hate on there, bro.

But, uh, it's all good, man.

People, I'm just thinking to myself, like, yeah, but you watched it, bro.

So.

Yeah, thanks.

Yeah, thanks for the.

I mean, we get a lot of watches on there.

Ye.

Yeah, we get some decent watches.

We've been getting a lot of love on.

On the shorts on.

On YouTube.

Okay.

And then some of some on Instagram too.

But.

But yeah, we get most of the hate on.

On Tik Tok.

Right.

A lot of the kids, you know.

Yeah, the younger.

Yeah, for sure.

I know, right.

But you're just young.

Sorry.

And.

But do you still get like views?

You still get views?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

So it's still like.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Like they're still watching it.

You know what I mean?

They might comment and say something negative or whatever, but I'm like, yeah, but you watched it, bro.

Yeah, like the people that say like Anti Elon Club and they have a Tesla, like, you still bought the Tesla.

Yeah, and then they burn it and I'm like, bro, like, seriously, like, you just, you know, might as well take that money and flush it down the.

You can buy my products and burn them as much as you want.

Just keep buying them.

Yeah, so, yeah, keep giving me your money.

Yeah, it's dumb.

I seen a guy with the Charlie Crook shirt on just right now actually on the mountain, so.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, very cool.

Y.

So anyway, yeah, so visit US, Money, Life FM, YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, and now Tik Tok.

And with that we're going to get into our verse of the day and we'll get into some content here.

All right, Philippians 4:13.

This is a verse that Peter stated his mom used to say to him and a special verse to him, especially now as he's going through a difficult time in his life.

But first, Philippians 4:13.

The Bible says I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

All right, Peter, with that transition here, what, you know, what do you want your, your, our audience to know?

Your family, your kids as you tell your story?

What are the pieces you want to pull out of that, of how God has worked in your life in the past and then all the way up to today?

Wow.

It's been, it's, you know, I'm 43 years old, man, and.

And you know, I feel like I've lived a pretty extensive hard life, you know what I mean?

It's been rough, you know what I'm saying?

And I, I grew up, I grew up pretty, pretty rough, man.

I grew up going by Triste.

They used to call me Triste when I was a kid.

Triste boy, you know, my mom used to call me that when I was a kid.

And I, I grew up.

I didn't know, I didn't know.

I didn't know God.

I didn't know nothing about God, you know.

And I grew up.

My mom was a heroin addict and so my dad was a block layer and my mom was a stay at home mom, but she got addicted to heroin.

And so I was raised, Me and my sister were raised In Guadalupe by my grandmother.

And so my mom was in and out of prison and her being in and out of prison, you know, being a heroin addict herself, you know, Know I went, I went, I followed her into the streets basically, cuz she was on the streets, you know.

So I followed her into the streets.

I was a mama's boy, you know, I got two, I got two sisters, a younger one and an older one.

And she was in and out, in and out of prison and, and she was a Christian, she knew the Lord and so she would always feed, feed me, you know, I was in the streets with her.

You know, I was at a very young age, I was already doing drugs.

You know, I was running the streets.

I used to run the streets looking for her, you know, I mean, because she would, she was in the streets looking for her drug.

She was chasing her.

It was crazy.

Cuz she was chasing her drug and I was chasing her.

Like I was chasing her affection, the love that a mom, you know, Because I was a little boy, you know what I mean?

And I was a mama's boy.

So you know, I went through all that in there and the town is a little, it's pretty rough.

It could be rough, you know, on, on, on kids, you know, when I was growing up, in the time that I was growing up there, you know, it was, it was pretty rough and.

But the one thing that she always did was she, every time she got out, she would feed the word to me.

When she would write to me, she would tell me about God, you know, how Jesus died on the cross for me and you know what I mean?

And I would just, okay, mom, whatever, you know, like in one year, out the other, cuz of how she was living her life, it was hard for me to, to, to believe anything that she was telling me about God.

So I just didn't believe it, you know.

And I, I, I started getting arrested for, for grand theft auto.

Like JJ growing up, you know, we used to, we started stealing.

I was out of all of us, me, JJ and my primos.

There's a lot, there's, there's quite a bit of us.

I'm one of the older ones.

So like they, they watched me do things, you know what I mean?

They learned as we were growing up in, as kids, you know, I was, I started stealing cars when I was like 11, 12 years old, driving cars on the freeway.

I started driving on the freeway when I was like 13 years old.

And I got arrested.

I was getting arrested in and out when I was like nine Years old, I threw a table at one of my teachers and I started getting arrested.

I had a real, my dad, I had a real bad anger issues.

You know, my dad had a bad temper.

He was a good man.

My dad was a good, hard working man.

He was a block player, you know, and he just, you know, he drank.

He was a, you know, he liked the beer, you know, and, but he had a temper.

Had a bad, bad temper, man.

And you know, his wife got addicted to heroin.

So, you know, it's a battle, it was a battle that he was, that he had to face as well, you know.

Must have been hard too, you know, for a man that's going to work every day and then you got a wife, you know, and just, it's hard.

So it just didn't work for them, you know, it just, they grew apart and, you know, that was a traumatic, one of the first traumatic things for me, you know, and little did I know that my life, you know, like I said, my life, I grew up being called Triste.

And my, one of my Theos, he was a Cristiano too.

He was my mom's oldest brother.

He told me, man, why do you guys, you guys give your guys selves, nicknames, man?

And you guys, your, your parents gave you guys good names.

You got a biblical name, you know, you know, Peter, Daniel.

That's my name.

Yeah, right, right.

And, and he goes, you know, because you guys, you guys become, eventually you guys become your name.

You guys are calling your guys yourselves, whatever you guys are calling yourselves.

And it's like you guys are taking on that identity, you know, it's, it's creating who you are.

And I never really, he told me that when I was a kid, you know, and I never really understood it until, and me, I always thought, okay, well, it's the opposite because I'm not sad.

I'm not.

You don't see me sad ever, you know, in my.

And so it was like, you know, you call a big dude tiny.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

So it's like that, it's like the opposite, you know, and like Tony Tiny.

That's funny, bro.

That's actually funny.

I was gonna take a shower, but I, you know, I said.

Teed it.

Up, but, but so, you know, it, it, it kind of did took a life of.

On my, on my life, you know.

So as I started growing up, you know, I got locked up when I, when I was 14.

That's when I, I, I finally got locked up.

When the judge finally said, you Know what?

I'm.

I'm done.

It was 4th of July, me and my brother, I, I was gonna go touch some, some chick and, and you know, I got him with me, you know, and my brother went with me.

He was younger, you know, he's my primo.

But my, my, my grandmother raised us, you know what I'm saying?

So my brother left.

He.

He went with me and we went and I stole a car and we ended up.

Long story short, we ended up coming back to Guadalupe and I'm driving.

Well, what, what ended up happening is that like a week before this, my other, I call them my brothers, but these are my primos, you know what I mean?

We all grew up, like JJ told you guys, we all grew up real close, you know, bro, and got another brother named Chato.

He, he's a little bit older.

He's a year older than me, you know, we're the same age and we grew up with each other as well, you know.

And a week before, he had wanted to turn himself in to, to go back to Adobe Mountain because that's where we would go.

And, and I went with him and we were, it was a week prior to this and, and we went and knocked on the sheriff's office and he goes and wants to turn himself in.

And we're 14, we're 13, 14 years old, you know, and it's like 2 o' clock in the morning and he wants to turn himself in.

And the, the, the cops like, nah, man, dude, what are you talking about?

I can't.

You guys, you gotta go home.

There's no warrant here for your arrest, so I can't just lock you up, you know, so I gotta take you back home.

While that same officer.

Fast forward to when me and Louis stole, when I went, when I stole this car, I'm driving into Guadalupe and this off the officer that had seen me a week prior to this, he's driving into Guadalupe and I'm driving out of Guadalupe and he sees me.

So he sees, hey, I just seen this little kid a week ago, how he's.

Now he's driving, you know, so it must have probably looked crazy, you know, I mean, like, you know what I mean?

Like now I sit back and I think about it.

I'm like, how can I, I see a 13 year old kid.

I'm like, man, I can't see myself driving, man.

But that's what it was.

I mean, I was, we're, we're really driving cars like that.

And so that's how he seen me.

And, and he flipped.

He flipped it and he turned his lights on.

He got behind us and the judge had already was tired and she was like, you know, you're going to Adobe Mountain for a year.

And So I was 14 years old and I went to Adobe Mountain for a year.

And, and that's where my life changed.

It had a.

And you know, I really want to speak on this too, is that, you know, the youth, like in my neighborhood, you know, I want to.

I would like to go back in there and maybe try to speak to the youth because, you know, I went to Adobe Mountain and, And you know, that was supposed to be something for youth, a youth like prison rehabilitation type thing, right?

But when I was growing up, you know, that was basically just, you go there and you learn more crime, you learn, you go and get educated.

Yeah, it's Adobe Mountain School.

You're going to go over there and get educated, but it's not the education that, you know, so that's what happened to me.

I went there and I just got educated on all kinds of dumb stuff, just.

And, but you go there and, you know, you have.

It's a battle zone.

You're having to fight, you're having to, you know what I mean, defend yourself and, you know, people wouldn't bully you and all that.

So you go there and it's, it's, it's rough, you know, and there's little kids there where it's all to double balance the kid thing, you know.

So I'm, I'm.

She sentenced me there for a year.

I had to go there for a year.

This was 96, I was 14 years old.

And so I went there and I'm there for a year.

And you know, my brother Chat was there, Lefty's there, you know, I think Jade or JJ pulled up there.

He was in the cottage right next to me at one time.

And.

Well, I was in a cottage and there was this dude, man, and he used to get bullied a lot.

He was always getting bullied, you know what I mean?

And, and, and, and he, me, I was a Travieso.

So my name was always out there, you know.

But mine, my, my Primo, my brothers, all of us were always Travieso.

So our names were always up there with the directors and they were always, were always.

I was always getting in trouble, you know what I mean?

And there was some little white dude that always getting bullied in that cottage.

And he, he, he went and he told the.

An officer that I had tried to stick a Shampoo bottle up his.

You know what I mean?

And so they went and they get it went.

And they sent me.

They sent me to the hole.

I had to go to the hole.

They sent me the hole.

And.

And for like, three days, he said that he made up this story because he wanted to get moved out the cottage.

He was getting bullied, you know what I mean?

And me being the travo, it was easy to go ahead and say, oh, yeah.

I mean, it's more believable.

This dude's always getting in trouble, you know what I'm saying?

So.

So what ended up happening, though, is that they moved me.

I get moved to the other cot, another cottage.

I had already been there a year, and.

And I went to my parole board and they denied it, you know what I mean?

So I got mad.

I was.

I was already been there for a year.

I got mad because they moved me from 1, 2, like, now I'm not going home or what.

Like, you know, so I went to another cottage and they.

They were like, well, get your levels.

And you know, and I was like, nah, they moved my brother in there to try to, you know what I'm saying, make us do good.

And I started doing good there for a little bit.

But when I went to my parole board and he denied me, I got mad.

I got really upset.

So I came back and there was this.

This other kid.

There was.

And he came in.

He was working in the kitchen.

He came in and he was wearing some new shoes.

Nikes?

No.

So I was like, hey, let me see your shoes.

And I tried them on.

They didn't fit me.

So I took the shoelaces off, and I'm angry, I'm mad, you know, And.

And.

And.

And so I was like, hey, man, you got Jack.

You know, the shoes didn't fit me, but my.

My primo JJ had just pulled up into the next.

Into the next cottage.

So I was like, they're gonna fit him, you know what I mean?

He got the little small foot, you know?

But long story short, man, you know, it was just part of.

Of the environment of what was going on there in adobe, you know what I'm saying?

And.

And I.

He said some disrespectful things and.

And about his shoes, you know, because I told him, you got Jack, you know what I'm saying?

And so I went in there and I. I beat him up, you know, and then there was a shoelace hanging out my pocket, and I got it, and I started choking him.

And like I said, I Was a, I was an angry kid, man.

I was pretty angry, man.

And I choked him.

I was choking him.

I was just angry for everything, like everything that I had been through in my life, you know, and just, it was just a whole bunch of stuff, man.

And, and, and that was the turning point right there.

They came and the officers D me and you know, they pulled me off.

Anyways, long story short, they ended up sending me to the, my from Adobe Mountain.

They sent me to Madison, which was at the time the jail here, you know, downtown in Arizona.

You know, it was a jail, but they had juveniles there as well, you know, so when you get charged as an adult from Adobe Mountain, they would, they would send you over there.

So they sent me to, to, to Madison as a, as a juvenile.

And so now we're, you know, I'm being charged as an adult.

They wanted first to charge me for attempted whatever because they said that I tried to attempt, supposedly.

No, just the shot.

Oh, gotcha.

But then, then they hit me with attempt.

They could have hit me for attempted murder because the guy could have said, well, I was choking them, that, you know, I said I was gonna kill him.

But they got me for aggravated assault with the deadly weapon.

I was 15 years old.

Now I'm 15 years old.

My mom's in the county jail, okay?

I don't have an adult guardian there representing me or telling me, you know, what, you know, don't sign that plea bargain as a minor.

You know, at that time, at that, you know, in 90, what was like 97, 98, you know, I was only 15 years old.

What am I going to know about a plea bargain?

You know, like you're putting this plea bargain right here.

This is my life.

And you're telling me to sign something that I don't.

I'm 15 years old, you know what I'm saying?

You ask.

I think about it now, like, I look, I'm like, But the kids nowadays, like if you get a 15 year old kid and you put a plea bargain in front of him, that has to do with his life, man.

Like, he's not gonna understand it.

And me, I'm trying to get out of there.

I'm getting tired of being in, in jail.

You know, the food is nasty, they treat you bad.

You know, I think that's the whole part of the system, you know, and so it's just in and out.

I want to sign this plea bargain.

So I signed a plea bargain five years for, for aggravate aggravated assault with the deadly weapon.

And they gave Me probation for.

For the attempted whatever, the.

The shampoo whatever, you know, and that's the whole thing.

Like, I just.

They were just wanting to in and out, like, you know, instead of, you know, really doing an investigation and, and me not knowing what I was signing.

I didn't know what I was signing.

I was signing something that was gonna, you know, pretty much had a. I had a hard life because of all that, you know what I mean?

Like, I. I went to prison for five years, man.

You know, from now I'm 15 years old, going to prison, you know, for five years, and I go to Rincon Miners and I'm in Rincon Minors there, man.

And, you know, one thing that I didn't tell you.

Well, I didn't start off by taught.

I should have.

Like, growing up in my neighborhood, I had uncles that were.

Well, I had, you know, I had uncles that been to the prison.

So I, you know, I had people that were well known in prison, you know, and.

And so.

And my mom, she had a lot of friends.

So me, unbeknownst to me that I was being kind of trained or raised to be a part of the lifestyle that.

That.

That prison.

That prison lifestyle type, you know, I guess somebody's seen it that I, you know, I was going to be in prison later on in life, and they wanted to start, you know, grooming me, you know, for that.

For that life.

And I ended up getting caught up in a lot of that.

And.

And.

But at the same time, like I said, my mom was in and out, and so she was always throwing the palau at me, you know, and.

And it would stick.

Some of it would stick, you know, and I was.

I was in prison.

She was being.

And out of prison.

She.

She finally got out in 90.

In.

In 99, she got out of jail and.

Excuse me.

She started doing good, man.

And I was proud of her, you know, in 99, I was.

I was 17 years old.

I was proud of her, man.

And she was going to church.

A body of breakthrough church.

I don't know if you guys remember, they had a radio station.

It was.

It was a Christian oldies radio station.

Yeah, back in the days.

And.

And so she.

She was into that, you know, she go to church and.

And, um, she started visiting me, you know, and.

And I started seeing a little bit of change in her, you know, she was doing good.

And, um, there was one Thursday there that.

That I called home and I remember I called home and she was gonna come visit me.

She had bought a 69 Impala and she drove it all the way from Guadalupe to Tucson to go visit me, you know, it was all beat up, but she was proud of it, you know, like, yeah, you know, she had her little lowrider, you know, and it became.

It was my favorite.

That was my.

The year.

That's my favorite car, you know.

And my nana is Tamiam.

She has bricks.

Went to go grocery shopping and I didn't even have no room in the trunk because she has cinder blocks in the trunk.

But, like, she wanted to lower it, you know what I mean?

Like, well, that's still ghetto, but like, I mean, she was proud of it, you know, it was something that she was working for, you know, and she was doing so good, man.

I was proud of her.

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Well, one Thursday I call home and she's like, yeah, me, I'm gonna go see you on, on Sunday, you know, I'll be there.

And I was like, all right, Mom.

And, and okay, Saturday, it was a Saturday night, I think.

And I had just got back to Rincon Miners because that Ringcon Miners, it's a little step up from Adobe, you know.

Now, you know, you're in the big, kind of.

Not bigger, you're in the bigger leagues, you know, and.

And it's still little gangs, you know, but just like I said, I, I was being trained.

Like, I was already writing to, like, people.

I was already in contact with individuals that were up there in, in the prison organizations and lifestyles, you know, and from the miners unit, you know, and, and so, so I was trying to run the miners unit like an adult, you know, like adult prison, you know, And I got in trouble.

And they had sent me to, to.

They had sent me to Florence and they had an smu.

They had a little area for teenagers.

But my mom had got back.

Sorry if I'm all over the place, you know, I mean, sometimes that's how I am.

Like sometimes my story's all over, but it all connects.

And what ended up happening is that I ended up coming back to Ring Con Miners and my mom was visiting me and she was gonna come visit me that Sunday.

Well, honest, on that Saturday, you know, it was like maybe 7, 8, gonna be count close to count time.

And, and, and I was gonna smoke a cigarette.

We're gonna let a cigarette bean travies.

Because I was a little kid, you know, my door pops and I look and I thought, oh man, what I, you know, he goes, hey, the sergeant wants to talk to you.

I'm like, you know, I mean, what do you mean?

I start thinking like, what did I do this time?

You know, And I went, and I see the sergeant and the, the officer standing right there and he's nervous, man.

The sergeant's walking like he's pacing like he's nervous, you know, and, and I'm looking at him like, man, and now I start thinking, man, what did I do?

You know what I mean?

Like, this dude, you know, he looks like I probably did something bad, you know.

So I'm sitting here thinking I'm in trouble or something, you know, and he's like, I don't know, I don't know how to tag this.

I'm like, what do you mean?

What are you talking about?

And he goes, well, I just, I just got off the phone and your mom has passed.

Your mom has passed away.

And I got up, I jumped up, you know, I was, you know, that's how I had a bad temper, man.

I was really an aggressive, really, really bad temper.

Aggressive, juvenile, you know.

And I got mad and I jumped up and I, you know, because he tell me my mom's dead, you know what I mean?

And the other officer grabbed me and sat me down.

He's like, calm down, you know, And I, I just, I was like, I want to call home, you know, like, yes, go ahead, you call.

You're going to call your sister.

And I called home and the first thing my sister told me, my, my baby sister, she's a year younger.

She was like, brother, please don't do nothing, don't do nothing dumb, bro.

Please, please don't.

Promise me, you know, like.

And we cried it out, man.

It was hard, you know, tell a 17 year old kid that, you know, his mom's gone while he's locked up, you know, now, now what do I do?

You know, who do I, who do I, who do I chase?

You know what I'm saying?

Who do I Chase into the streets or.

You know what I mean?

Like, it was.

It was pretty rough, man.

I, you know, my addictions, you know, because, you know that that's where it stand, because I, you know, I was.

I was raised by an addict, you know, so my drug of choice was.

Was crystal met, you know, real young.

I, like, JJ told you guys, you know, we used to smoke real young, you know, driving cars and.

And the heroin.

I never messed with it, man, because it killed my mom.

You know what I mean?

Like, I was 17 years old, man.

I hated that drug.

I hated it.

I hated it with a passion, man, and.

And I never missed with it, you know, it wasn't my.

My drug of choice, you know, I.

I'm 19 years old, man, and I get out for the first time.

Now I'm out.

After all these years that I've done as a child, I finally get out into this world that I don't know how to live.

My mom's gone, you know, I've been locked up as a kid.

Now I'm 19 years old, coming out into the world.

Like, they didn't teach me nothing in there, you know what I mean?

Like, what am I supposed to do?

And it was crazy because I was only out for, like a month and a half.

I ended up meeting some girl at my dad's.

And.

And the reason I, Like I'm bringing this up is because I've been married.

I've been married three times.

You know what I mean?

But it's.

It's a very big part of my life, man.

My first wife, like, I was young.

I was a kid, you know, I was still getting in trouble.

Like, we didn't.

It was like puppy love, like, so we just, you know.

Yeah, I was in prison.

I went to prison.

And.

And I got four and a half years while I was still.

Okay.

I get locked up.

I get four and a half years for a stolen car because I was out there stealing cars and still doing dumb stuff.

And.

And she marries me in prison.

So my nana.

My nana and her mom drive up there to Florence, where I was at, and I was 19 years old, you know, and we're behind glass, you know, and we got to see our Vowels and all that.

It was kind of.

It was kind of.

It was a.

It was an experience, and it was kind of weird, you know what I mean, to get married behind glass.

But, I mean, I was a kid.

I didn't know what I was doing.

But, you know, we.

We ended up.

She ended up divorcing.

She wanted to go.

We're young, so I didn't.

You know, I didn't take it too much to heart.

We kind of did break my heart, tell you.

I can't lie.

You know, I was heartbroken because that was my first love, you know, puppy love or whatever, you know, and she leaves me in there.

So then I'm in there by myself, and.

I don't have.

I don't have.

You know, she divorced me, okay?

I'm living at my nanas, all right?

And.

And at my nanas, you know, I start working.

I'm working block, and they're paying me $400 every Friday.

And so my primos, they're from the west side.

I got cousins that live out here on the west side.

And every Friday, he would come pick me up to take me out of Guadalupe, you know what I'm saying?

Just to.

He seen that I was doing good, you know, I'm making money, you know, I'm working.

I got a job, you know?

So every Friday, he would come and he would take me out of Guadalupe, and he was showing me different.

We'd go to clubs because I had never been to a club, you know what I'm saying?

I'd never been to.

I had never done a lot of stuff that teenagers did, and you know what adults do, you know, Because I've been locked up pretty much all my life, so there was things that he would take me out here to come out here to experience, you know what I'm saying?

Go to pool halls or clubs, dancing or whatever.

And so I was doing that every Friday.

Well, one day he was like, hey, you want to go to a Pop Warner game?

You know, my.

My brother's sons and the papa.

I was like, yeah.

So we go.

Long story short, we're coming back home, and we pull up at the stoplight, and there's a towel pulls up, and there's this girl, and she looks at me, and I look at her, and we just.

We lock eyes, you know, And I just threw my hands up, you know?

And me being.

I'm.

I'm shy, you know, I don't.

I don't have that macaroni like that Mac, you know.

You know, I don't have that, you know, I. I don't have the gift for gab, you know, I'm.

I'm.

And so I just threw my hands, and I was kind of, like, nervous, and my.

Was like, just ask her for her number, you know, So I just go like that, you know, and then she's like, you know, she does like this.

So I pull in and.

And I'm like, what?

I tell her, you know, I'm telling my.

What.

What?

I tell her.

Just ask her for her number, you know, like, all right, tell her your name.

You know, I was like, hey, all right.

So I go, hey, my name is say, you know, like, what's up?

I get your number, and she gave me her number.

She said her name was Angela, you know, And I was like, all right, Angela.

I. I'll give you a call, you know, so we.

We left, and I ended up talking to her, and we hit it off pretty good, man.

And we got to know each other, and she came into this relationship with two children.

One of them was six months, and Aiden was six months old.

AJ Was like four or five years old, you know, and so she had kids, you know, And.

And.

And so I. I didn't have kids.

I haven't had kids, you know, and she came to this.

This relationship with two boys, you know, so we hit it off, you know, right off the rip.

And our first date.

I could remember that I had told my sister to.

To make us some enchiladas, some of those enchiladas, you know what I'm saying?

And.

And if she can babysit, well, you know, and that's what she did.

She had a little table like this right here, and she made it like a little restaurant, you know what I mean?

And we had a little date, me and her.

And I was still being a Travieso, though, you know, I didn't know how to.

I was still working.

She was working.

She was.

She had just moved from Oklahoma.

I'm being a Travieso still, you know.

I get locked.

I get locked up, I get out.

I kill my number.

I finally kill my number.

2007.

And me and her went.

We just spontaneously.

It was.

You know, I had never been outside of Arizona, been locked up on my life.

You know, it's just.

And so, just spontaneously we're like, hey, okay, let's go.

So my primo James and my sister Sonia, we took them to be our witnesses to Vegas.

So we went up there and just bought a little cheap hotel outside of the Strip.

And we went there with little money and.

And we were just like, we're just for the experience, you know, let's just go down and, you know, try to gamble at each casino, you know, just for the experience.

It was.

It was pretty.

We got to see the New Year.

And, you know, what she brought to.

To the relationship is something that I've always wanted, you know, I wanted.

I've always wanted to be a dad.

I've always wanted to be a husband.

You know what I'm saying?

And she brought that.

I was.

I was given that, you know, and, well, I was.

God blessed me with.

Blessed me with that, you know, and, you know, I was still being a Travia.

That means I don't have.

This is the first time in all my life that I don't have no probation or nothing.

I'm doing.

I'm working.

Most life changing experience that I've ever had in my life.

You know, watching my son be born, it was such that.

God, it was a blessing, you know, I was just.

It's something that you can never forget, you know, like when you see your first child be born.

It was just.

It was.

It's amazing, you know, it's just crazy.

But she gave birth to my son, man.

And that was 08.

And then in 09, she gave birth to my second son.

My first son was Angelo.

We named him Angelo.

And then in 09, she gave birth to my second son, Alonzo.

That was in 09.

And I was working for another company.

We had a house.

I was working for a steel company.

And we're doing good.

You know, I'm not, You know, here and there, my Primo would come and I'd go Drink with him.

You know what I'm saying?

I wasn't missing with drugs here and there.

Maybe I would deal with dabble, you know, but I wasn't.

I was doing the family thing.

I was learning how to pay bills, you know, all the.

All the stresses of the world, you know, that I didn't know how to get accustomed to, you know, and she was helping me.

She.

She was.

You know, she was.

She was.

In Phoenix at my tia's house, because we had a house on the south side in Southside, 35th, and my DIA lived on 59th in Thomas.

And we're at a birthday party over there, and we had a suburban one.

It was like a 95.

It was like one of them old suburbans.

And we had, well, four of my children.

And we're at my tia's house, and we were going back.

We're leaving.

We're leaving my tia's house, and we got on 55th and Thomas, and I was going east, and we're arguing.

Me and her were having an argument.

And I turn.

I turn on.

On Thomas, and I start picking up speed, and me and her.

And I don't see that there's this car stalled out.

There's a car that stalled out right there.

And she.

See.

I guess she sees it and she yanks on the steering column.

I try to get a hold of it, and I can't.

It just.

It's hard.

It's a big.

It's a big Suburban, you know, and it just gets out of hand, and we hit a brick wall, and it flips.

I guess the wheels were in the air, you know, she died on impact.

And me, I. I got.

If you can see us, the.

Oh, yeah, the scar.

I cracked my.

I cracked my whole head.

You know, I walked out, I got out of the vehicle, I crawled out the vehicle, and one of my Primos was.

Was right there.

One of my Primos was right there.

And he said that I said some words, and I just fell back out, passed back out, you know, And I remember waking up in the.

In the hospital, and my dad right there, my sister, you know, and I, I.

The first thing I remember was just getting wheeled into.

And my sister's telling me that I'm going into emerging surgery, you know, because my brain was hemorrhaging.

You know, I had blood in my brain.

And so my sister said that they're rushing me to emergency surgery.

And I just passed out again after that.

And I was there for, you know, For a couple days.

And then I guess I woke up again and I started asking questions like, where's.

Where's.

Where's Angela?

Her name's Angela.

And I was like, where's Angela?

Where's.

You know, and they don't.

Nobody says nothing.

Where my kids at?

You know, all the kids are fine.

And, you know, and finally they finally.

They came and told me that she had passed away, you know, and.

And I just.

I lost it.

You know, it's.

Because it's.

It's like, you know, when you.

When you go through so much as a young child in life and you finally get to.

To where you feel like, okay, this is where, you know, I'm supposed to be, you know, and then something just hits you like that, you know, you're like, oh, man.

You know, like, that's.

It's.

You know, it's pretty, you know, And I.

And.

And, you know, when I tell my story, you know, sometimes people are like, man, how can you.

How do you.

How do you.

How do you get through that?

You know what I mean?

Like, it's.

It's.

It's hard.

It was.

It was a tough one, man, like, you know, to.

Because we.

She.

She taught me so much about life, you know what I mean?

Like, I got like, You know, she.

She was an angel.

Her name's Angela.

You know what I mean?

She.

She was.

You know, and.

And it just.

It's crazy because God.

God is good, man.

Like, I.

So I'm blessed, bro.

Like, even.

Even.

Even with the.

With the hardships that I got going on right now, you know, I. I still feel blessed, man, because you know what?

You know, they didn't.

They don't in Tokyo.

So I lived in.

In Southside 35th.

And I don't know if you guys remember, man.

There was this.

It's when that big old fallout where, like, I think there was a.

An African American, like a congressman that had got roughed up by the South.

By the South Mountain Precinct.

There was like, an investigation on.

On that precinct at that time, you know, And.

Well, at that time, I was living in that area, you know, and after I lost her, man, I just.

I. I had a nervous breakdown, man.

I. I didn't know how to live.

Like, I. I wasn't even supposed to get out the hospital.

I took myself because I wanted to go to the.

To the Velo.

To.

When they buried her, you know, and so I was There, but I wasn't all, I wasn't all there in the head, you know, I, I, I wasn't at all, you know, I had just lost somebody that was the most important person in my life, you know, like, my kids just lost their mom, you know, Like, I just, it was hard, you know, and, and I didn't know how to, like, how to deal with it, you know.

And so, you know, my family, they didn't know how to deal with me either because it was due to them, you know, and so they were trying, they were trying to be helpful.

They would go and stay with me.

They would go and help me like, be food, clean house.

Well, one day my nana and my sister went over there and you know, I wasn't being too nice to them.

They left.

My burglar alarm starts going off.

I don't know if, you know, like, you know, when you leave your door open, the burger alarm, it'll go off.

So it starts going off like, like seven officers came from, from that precinct with their guns drawn to my house.

I'm sitting out in front of my yard in a wheelchair because I have broke my pelvis.

I had the brain hemorrhage.

So I was pretty banged up, you know, I ripped the lining of my urethra.

I was, yeah, it was a pretty bad, bad accident that I'm still kind of dealing with some of the, the, the injuries from that accident.

But they come with their guns drawn.

And me, I start like, what do you guys, you know, I start talking kind of crap, you know, like, well, you guys never seen a Mexican in the house that has a fireplace or you know, like, cuz it had a fireplace.

It's a pretty nice house, you know, and, and you know, I was, I was proud of it, you know, it was one of those things that, you know, just those little things that, that I was proud of, you know, like I didn't have that in Guadalupe, you know what I'm saying?

Like, not those type of fire fireplaces, you know, maybe little trash can on or something.

But you know, so with that, like when they came and they just, they arrested me, they, they, I started talking crap to them, you know, and, and they got me and they arrested me.

They got me for seven counts of aggravated assault on seven officers and they got me for seven counts of threatening, intimidating officers with gang because supposedly I'm, you know, because I'm from eastside Guadalupe and our connections to the Mexican mafia are, you know, that's, supposedly, you know, I'm connected or whatever.

That's what they're, you know, the judge and the prosecutor saying so.

And it just made me look bad.

And I'm like, man.

And the prosecutor's like, well, I'm gonna offer you six years.

You could either take it or leave it.

And at that time, I'm fighting for my children because CPS got involved, because I had an inactive metabolite of weed in my system.

So, like, if you smoke weed, like a week ago, it'll still be in your system for a month.

So it's an inactive.

It was inactive in my system.

So when.

When the car accident happened, they found that inactive metabolite in my system, so they got involved.

So I had to start going to court for my children.

So I'm fine.

I was fighting for them.

And even when they arrested me, I was still going to the courts to fight for them.

Unbeknownst to me, I didn't know that.

That by me signing this plea bargain, that they were going to sever my rights to my children.

And I signed, okay, my son, A.J.

i signed his birth certificate.

You know what I'm saying?

So I was his son legally.

I was his dad, legally.

And my two boys that were biologically mine, those are the ones that I was.

I had to fight for, you know, Aiden, I couldn't fight for because his dad, he's from Oklahoma, you know, so he has.

He has a father, you know?

And so I was just.

I had to fight for the boys, but I didn't know that by me signing this plea bargain, they're going to sever my rights.

And that's what happened.

So they severed my rights, and all my boys got spit up.

You know what I mean?

These.

These.

Okay, so these.

But, you know, my.

My two of my b.

My biologically boys are together.

A.J.

he's already older.

He's.

You know what I mean?

And it's.

It's crazy, you know, he's.

We just got in touch, and he's a good.

Very good boy, you know, A good man.

He's a good man.

I'm proud of him.

I'm Rebecca Mendez with Lamplight Ministries, where I serve the Lord by loving others.

Through biblical counseling and workshops, every day we're reminded of our fallen world through disappointment, grief, fear, despair.

We need a Savior.

And in Jesus Christ, we have that Savior.

He came to rescue us, offering his.

Spirit to guide us and his word.

To comfort, correct and lead us.

If you're a follower of Christ, eager to grow in him.

I'd be honored to walk this journey with you through one on one biblical counseling.

Together we'll explore God's word, find encouragement.

And pursue faithful obedience to our Savior.

Please Visit me at lamplightministries.com to book your appointment today.

So I signed that plea bargain for six years.

So I go to prison and I'm over there in Florence and they started a STG packet on me, an STG packet.

And I just got back to prison, you know, and what an STG packet it is basically, you know, that they, they make you and tell you the drift of an affiliated member of whatever, you know, whatever prison gang.

And so that's what they were, they were affiliating me with.

And I, you know, you know, I just, at that time, like I had just lost my wife, so it wasn't, I wasn't really.

I was mad, I was mad at God, you know, I was, I was mad at God for, for a good little while, you know, I, I, I didn't know how to deal with, you know, losing her and losing my kids, you know.

Well, one day I'm sitting there and a letter slides under my door.

You know what I mean?

A letter slides under my door and you know, me, me being, you know, the way I was raised in there, like, you know, if it's not mine, you don't get somebody else's mail.

You know, I'm not expecting no mail.

And I'm looking at the name on it doesn't even the, the, the address on top where they write their name.

And I'm sender.

Yeah, the center.

There you go.

I'm not recognizing it, so I'm like, right, But I see my name on it.

So I pick it up and it's a letter.

And she's, she's like, hey, hey, my name's, my name's Pasa.

You know, and she's like, I'm 21 years old, I have no kids.

You know, I'm, I just got out.

But I gave my Palavra, she gave her word to my tia that she would write to me, that she had, she had heard about, you know, everything I've been through.

And she just wants to be my friend and you know, you know, I really dug that because, you know, my tia, one of my tias, rest in peace, she's already passed.

She's passed away.

But she was a loca too.

But she would always, you know, send chicks to rap me, you know, when I was in prison, she would always try to, you know, and some they would write, some would fall off, you know, and it was just one of those things, you know, and, well, she actually wrote, you know, so to me, you know, I said a lot about her character, you know, that she.

She was able to keep her word.

And so I wrote her back and I was like, you know, I'm not looking for no relationship or nothing, you know, but, you know, I appreciate that you kept your word to my ti.

You know what I mean?

That says a lot about you, and I appreciate that.

I'm not looking for no relationship, but we can be friends, you know?

And so in.

In, in.

And we wrote.

We wrote.

And then we became, little by little, we were friends.

We started off as friends and we wrote.

I would get like maybe 10, 15 letters a week.

Like, wow, the dedication a lot.

And the one thing that we did was every.

Every letter we asked each.

We asked five questions, you know, so we got to know each other real, real in depth.

And she was my friend.

She became my best friend, you know, her name is Viviana.

Vivian, who is my wife.

You better.

And.

And.

And that's where.

Where, you know, I feel like God, like he.

If.

If I look back on my life and.

And I just see how it all played out and how it's played out up until this point, you know, I can see that his hand has been in every.

Every part of.

Of my life, you know, and my faith has grown tremendously, you know, in.

In.

In him and what he.

What he did.

He died on the cross for me, you know, So a lot of the stuff that I.

What.

What I.

What I didn't mention earlier is that, you know, I come from a pretty big family, and my nana had 12 kids.

Her.

My t. Had 12 kids.

My mom's mom and dad, they had 12 kids.

And my nana, before she passed away, she just.

She passed away just recently.

And.

But she.

Before she passed away, she had buried eight of her own children.

You know what I mean?

And so my family has been through that, you know, and so it's.

It's.

But I always look to her for.

Whenever I was going through something in my life, I always look to her for, like, for strength, you know what I mean?

Because you think about, you know, how can you, how can that woman be so strong to, to have buried eight of her children, you know what I mean?

Oh, I'm just going through this little thing.

So then it, it, now that, you know, my life has taken another turn, you know, I'm starting to realize that, you know what?

But Jesus, Jesus went through a lot more for, for me, you know, and for us, you know, like, so that's how.

And now that's why, I mean, I look to that, you know, I, I, I believe, I believe that he, you know, he endured so much for, for my sins, you know, and, and the pain and the things that I've gone through in my life were just a part of what he wanted for me, you know, or what my life paid.

And I always tell this to people, man, is that, you know, we're all, you know, I've talked, talk to you about this too, how I, how I feel like, you know, God, he's made us all unique in our own unique way.

Like, nobody can say that they've been through everything you've been through in your life, you know what I'm saying?

Nobody can say that.

Nobody can say that they have the same fingerprint as you.

You are your own person, like, but you're created in his image, so it's just you and him, you know what I'm saying?

And I feel like that's where he wanted us as brothers and sisters and neighbors.

To love our neighbors is to share your story because you're, you're, we're, we're.

Okay.

So for me, I'm a living testimony of, of how he's been in my life, you know, and, you know, I feel, you know, we're all family, you know, And I don't know, it's just, it's, you know, I, I just, I went to prison again.

Okay, so let me get back to this story.

I'm sorry.

I apologize.

So I ended up where I was at, okay?

So I ended up getting STG.

That means that when you get STG.

So you get slammed down and you go to SMU2, which is like a security lockdown.

Like, we're locked down 24 hours every other day, you know, and being locked down 24, 24 hours every other day in the cell by yourself, you know, it could take a toll on your mind, man.

And, and, and I've been doing that all you know, all these years that I've done in.

I've probably done.

I'm not proud of it whatsoever.

I do not.

And I want.

I want to put everybody to know anything that I've.

I've talked about as far as, you know, all the ugliness.

I don't, I don't.

I don't praise any of that.

I don't condone any of that.

Like, you know, God, you know, he's changed so much about the way I look at life.

And.

I married.

I married the girl that was riding me.

Never her name me as that.

But yeah, she probably appreciates her.

Her name is for sure.

And, and, hi, baby, I love you.

And no, but like, you know, she.

And that's another blessing.

Like, that's.

That's how, you know, that's.

They say that you don't.

You don't get, you know, another chance at stuff like that, or you don't get love twice, you know, or.

It doesn't come like that, man.

But God, I gotta tell you, man, that it does.

You know, he.

He's blessed me so much.

And she's such a beautiful person, man.

She's such a beautiful person.

And it's crazy how, like, you know, like when you meet somebody and.

And, you know, you get to know them, you know, it's just, just.

And you understand why God, like, put.

You put you guys together, you know, like things that you have to work out with each other, you know, like, it's.

It's pretty.

It's pretty, pretty beautiful, you know.

She didn't think she could have kids, you know, when we first started writing, writing to each other, we're friends at first, and so I used to, like, tell her I would give her advice about some of the guys that she was talking to out there, you know, like, yeah, that dude sounds like a scrub, man.

Don't.

Don't mess with that dude, you know what I mean?

Or you know what?

That dude sounds pretty too, you know, he sounds like.

He's pretty cool, you know what I'm saying?

Maybe you should test him out, you know what I mean?

Or take him, you know, have him take you to dinner somewhere.

Well, she ended up getting knocked up, like, pregnant, you know, and the dude left her, you know, and so we had already been writing to each other for a good amount of time, and I was like, you know what?

Don't even worry about it.

I'm getting out.

I'll help you raise those kids.

You know what I'm saying?

And I told her that, and I meant it, you know what I'm saying?

Because I. I don't.

You know, I. I said, I'll help you raise him, you know, and she just.

She just took a liking to that.

You know, we.

We had already started connecting, you know, we had already started catching feelings.

But, okay, so she lost those babies.

She lost those.

Those twin babies.

And so she didn't think that she could have kids, you know, and so when she lost those babies, you know, like, I helped her get through.

Through that, and she helped me get through.

Through the death of Angela, you know, the more my morning process and.

And we're there for each other, you know, that's.

That's what made our bond so strong.

She gave birth.

I seen my daughter, my first girl.

My daughter Delia, I named after my mom.

So it's my first girl, you know.

I get locked up.

I'm still doing kind of good, you know, I'm not getting in trouble, but, you know, I'm out there, and I ended up getting hit by a truck getting off the bus.

She's pregnant.

She's five months pregnant.

So I get hit by a truck getting off the bus, a city bus.

And they put me on medication, and they put me on, like, all the pain medications.

And so I started taking those pain medications, and I started getting addicted to the medication, you know, and when I.

When I ran out the.

You know, I went and tried to go buy some more pills from the streets, you know, and somebody was like, I think I had, like, 30 bucks.

And somebody was like, what do you think you can get with 30 bucks?

Like, you're.

You only get one pill, you know, that's crazy.

I just.

I rather just go to my neighborhood, go spend the 30 bucks on something that's gonna help, you know, And I went.

And that was the dumbest thing, one of the dumbest choices that I made at that time.

And I went and I got heroin, you know, and I started my little adventure on that, you know, and it was.

And, like, I said earlier, like that's, that's the drug that, that took my mom.

You know, I'm.

But for some reason, like I just feel like, God, like I had to go through this experience.

I had to go through the experience of, I don't know, I guess being addicted and then seeing what the, what the love of that drug was that had my mom so invested in the streets and away from her kids that, you know, she couldn't be with, with her children.

You know what I mean?

And for me, I mean that's not why I did it.

I mean I just started doing it cuz I was, I got addicted to it, you know.

But I got add to heroin and, and I ended up going back.

I get locked up for 9re.

I got locked up for.

Okay, so I get addicted to heroin.

Cuz they got me, they caught me for, they got me with the grandma heroin and they gave me nine years.

They wrote me, they put me in the repeat offender program.

I have never been caught with drugs in my life.

You know, I've never been arrested for drugs.

They could have been like, you know what, let's, let's help this dude out.

Let's put them in a rehab or something.

They didn't do that.

They wanted.

My wife's five months pregnant, you know, and all.

They could have just sent me to rehab.

They.

And they didn't give me nine years.

She's like.

And my wife, she's the one that told me to sign the plea bargain.

I wasn't going to sign it, you know what I mean?

Because it's, that's a lot of time.

And so I, I signed it.

But.

I got to finally got to prison in 18 and I went in there with a habit.

And I gotta tell you man, that in where I was at in Buckeye, man, the, the yards are just infested with drugs, man.

Days.

It's like, you're on.

It's like worse in the streets.

Like it's just so, so ugly in there, man.

It's so bad.

Like the devil just has a hold.

He has a very strong hold on those yards, you know.

But I like, I started doing, I found it like maybe about two, three years into my sentence because I was, I was addicted in there.

I got real bad in there.

You see my arms are real bad.

You know, I, I Got really, really bad.

One day I'm out at Wreck and.

And there's this homie right there.

And he's like, hey, he's from.

From Flagstaff.

And he's like, hey, can I pray?

Can I pray for you, man?

I was like, you know, yeah, you want to pray for me?

He goes, yeah, just something telling me I want pray for you, man.

I said, yeah, homie, you can pray for me.

He goes, I said, I don't mind kneeling, you know what I mean?

I'll kneel.

So I kneeled and we prayed, man.

And.

And something just came over me, man.

We prayed and he helped me through the prayer, you know, giving my life to.

To.

To God, you know, and, you know, something just grabbed me.

It was the Holy Spirit.

It was the first time I've ever felt the Holy Spirit in my life.

I've never felt it up until that time, you know, and.

Oh, well, there was another time too.

But, you know, that, that time, like, I just.

I knew it was.

It was God, you know, like, and all my life he's.

He's been there, you know, I know he's been there.

You know, I've read.

I read the Bible.

There's always been Bibles in the joy, in the jails or everywhere I was going, you know, and, and.

But when I gave my life to God that day with, with, with.

With the homie, you know, it kind of changed me, you know, so in there, in prison, where everybody got to know triste and how triste was, I. I made a.

There, you know, I went to prison and, and, and, And I'm not proud of that.

I'm not proud of that at all.

You know, I. I hate that I made a name for myself in there, but that's what it was.

That's what happened.

That was.

That's, you know, my experience, you know, and.

But I know that God, you know, he's.

He has something more for my life.

And I believe that, you know, now that I have, you know, I. I have stage four cancer, Prostate cancer.

Long story short, again, you know, A mixture fell on my leg.

I went to the hospital and for my leg, you know, because it was.

Was dead, like when they.

And I was just having problems.

So we went and I had told them about blood being in my store as well, you know, and they ran some tests and they came back and they said that they found a large mass in my prostate and that.

That I have.

That I'm stage four.

I have stage four cancer.

I mean, you know, it's it's all through my spine, you know, and, you know, the doctors, like my wife and my sister, you know, they're.

They're all.

Everybody's kind of taking it hard, and I'm just like, why, you guys?

You know what I mean?

What's God?

God.

You guys have to believe that God is his hands and all this.

You know what I mean?

Like, why.

Why fear?

You know what?

I'm not fearing nothing.

I. I know that he's got me, you know, and I believe that.

That's part of my testimony, you know, that.

Because the doctor's telling her five years, you know, okay, watch.

When the 15th year comes around and I'm still all viejito and all right there, you know what I'm saying?

Like, I could turn around, you know, I want to be able to turn around and say, you know what?

That's God, you know, God.

God still had his hand in my life all this time, you know what I'm saying?

And I never lost that faith.

I'm not going to lose it.

It's just building.

I'm just getting stronger, you know, and it did.

It started off as a mustard seed in my life, you know, I'm not one of these dudes that.

That, you know, I'm not like a holy roller.

Like, I don't.

I'm not big, like, on, because, I don't know, like, verses by heart or, like, you know, I just.

I just know the spirit.

I just feel the spirit.

And, you know, I just thank God that, that.

That, you know, he's given me life today, you know, that I was able to wake up this morning and enjoy today.

You know, that's how I'm looking at, you know, day for day.

I'm taking it day by day.

I forgot to mention my twins.

How can I do that?

Because she got pregnant and she got pregnant with twins.

And so.

Excuse me.

She.

She was pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl.

And so when I got locked up, she was five months pregnant.

So they ended up giving me nine years.

I ended up doing seven years.

I just got released, like, maybe two and a half months ago, maybe three months ago.

And like I said, I just.

We just barely found out.

I got cancer, but I got twins.

I got a little boy.

His name's Peter Emigano.

Peter and Italia.

Lisa.

And they're.

It's a boy and a girl, you know, and they're.

They're seven years old.

They've been locked up.

I mean, I was locked up the whole time.

They were.

Well, she had Them when I was.

When I had got locked up.

So I was in there the whole.

Their whole.

I've been in their whole time.

So this is the first year that I'm actually going to be out for their.

Their birthday.

They're going to turn eight.

Their birthday's on Thanksgiving.

This year, it falls on Thanksgiving.

So we're going to get to make a big Thanksgiving, you know, and, And.

And, you know, we're going to be able to make a good little meal, you know, make a good turkey and a birthday.

I want to fry a turkey, man.

I. I had fried turkey one time.

And never tried it before.

Always wanted to, but I scared to burn down my house.

Never went back.

You.

You eat fried turkey, you'll never go back to baked turkey.

I don't.

I don't know.

It's just my opinion.

You have fried turkey, Ben?

I have what you like.

What are your thoughts?

I overcooked it.

So you made it yourself?

Yeah, I tried it.

I tried it.

Was it peanut oil or something?

I left it in there too, because I didn't want it to be raw.

I left it a little bit longer and it was a little too crunchy.

But now I smoke the turkeys and that.

That's pretty legit, bro.

Oh, yeah, that's good.

Yeah.

Did you do it for a day or two or something or just.

No, it's like slow cooking it.

Yeah.

Six, seven hours.

It's like a slow cook.

Okay.

Yeah.

Smoking it.

Smoke.

It's good, dude.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's good.

I don't know how to do that.

To do a Jen Saki.

Circling back, do you feel like when you were in prison and you said you knelt down there, do you feel like that's the time that you got saved, that you had that personal relationship with Jesus Christ?

Well, no, because.

Because I got this.

I gotta say, maybe about four years ago.

Okay.

Four years ago, like, I just had enough.

I was in there strung out.

My wife was so, like, she was just.

I was.

I was so struck out in there, man.

I was.

It was ugly.

It was ugly.

And.

And she had to be the one out here take raising my children, you know what I'm saying?

Like, she.

That's why I say that.

God just.

Bless you.

Yeah, he.

There's.

There's a hand in my life.

He's had a hand in my life.

And, you know, she.

She's been.

She's been a writer, man.

She's.

She stuck it out and she now, like, you know, I'm.

We got a house and My kids, you know, and so it's just.

Now it's different, you know, us.

Sorry, I just forgot where I was going with it.

But you're talking about four years.

You had got.

You felt like you got saved four years ago.

Oh, okay.

Okay, okay.

Yeah.

So.

So I was still strung out in there and.

And I was.

I was like.

She was having to pay bills and do all kinds of stuff.

Like, not all kinds of crazy stuff, but just like, I just hold it down right by herself out here, you know?

And me, I'm in there being a Tonto, being.

Being an idiot, you know, doing dumb in there.

And I'm telling you, man, like, you guys seen like, all the stuff when they show it on TV about how.

How wild it was in there.

I was in there when indoors were open like that.

Guys were walking out of their cells 12 o' clock at night, going to other buildings, walking around like there's just nothing.

Like it's a dorm and it's prison.

You know what I mean?

Like, doors are supposed to be locked, you know, 12 o', clock, midnight.

It's not supposed to be.

And that's how it was.

It was really like that, man.

It was crazy.

It was.

It was like, you're out in the park and you got your homes.

There's like 10 dudes in one cell.

Everybody around doing.

Yeah, doing drugs, walking, just living, partying.

That's all it was, you know?

And so when I.

For, like about four years ago, I just had enough.

I was just so burnt out, and I just felt like, you know what?

Okay, now I understand what.

What this is about.

Like, God, you know what?

I'm done.

I completely surrendered my life to you.

I'm done.

I'm completely done.

I no longer want to think or do or say anything that had to do with my old self.

I'm giving you the keys to my car.

Of my life.

It's all in your hands.

I got down on my knees and I just.

I just prayed.

And then I asked him, father, come into my life.

You know, I accept you as my.

My Lord and Savior.

You know, I know you died on the cross for my sins.

I know that, that.

That you suffered for.

For me, you know, And I thank you and I'm sorry that you had to go through all that, you know, because I'm sure it hurt, you know, like, and.

But I thank him, you know, like, he.

He endured so much, like, for everybody, you know, and I thank him, you know, like, I just so.

I gave my life to him that day.

And I gotta say, man, that.

Remember I told you about when I felt the Holy Spirit, like, I tell it to my people, jj.

And he kind of laughed at me because I feel like, okay, I was laying there.

Excuse me.

When I gave.

I, I, you know, I prayed and I, I was laying there and I just felt like, okay, you remember the Ghostbusters and you remember Slimer?

How he should just be able to go to the.

So I felt like.

I just felt something like that go like into my pants, up from the side, like frills, like, it's.

It was just, it was weird.

I can't explain.

And I just, you know, I, I mean, I didn't.

It was nothing crazy after that, but I just, like, I started just, just being so invested.

I just stayed away.

I got away from a lot of dudes that I was hanging around with because a lot of guys are in prison over there where I was at.

You know, that's like every old retirement.

You, you go to retire over there, you know, and so a lot of the dudes there, I knew, but everybody's so addicted.

Everybody is just.

They're just crazy over there.

It's just nuts.

And it's.

So when I would go out to wreck, I would go.

I would take my Bible and I would go out there by myself.

I started by myself, you know, and there was this one dude that I knew from when I was a kid in Adobe Mountain.

You know, I seen him and he came and he was like, hey, can I read the Bible?

Yeah, man, come on.

So me and him would just go out there and read the Bible together.

We would have Bible study.

We'd have wrecked every other day.

So I'll go out there and everybody would be in their little.

Doing their own things, but it's basically just everybody around tables doing drugs, you know, So I had to just separate myself from that and, and I would take my Bible out there and I would have.

I would have Bible study.

And it started to grow a little bit, you know, I mean, guys started to come little by little.

And so that was like the last six months that I did here.

Just like the last six months.

And you know, there was a few guys that got saved.

Like, they, they came, they came to Christ, you know, we're able to bring a couple dudes to, to the Lord.

Our little prayer group got pretty big, you know, and, and you know, I just pray over them guys, man, that, that are struggling there with, with that stuff, man.

Cuz it's, it's ugly, you know, and it's sad that, you know, they just.

The way I was just listening to something on.

On.

On YouTube or something about what they were talking about how DLC changed their name from, yeah, a Doc Rehabilitation.

And they put different words in there.

I just saw my.

My friend yesterday.

He's over there in Kingman, Arizona.

So he's in the private prison Dre or something.

But he said, yeah, they changed the name and they put rehabilitation.

And he's like, there's nothing in there to rehabilitate you.

There's no tools.

And that's.

And that's where.

That's what kind of sucks, man, because it's re Entry rehabilitation, reentry.

Yeah.

And, you know, like I said, I just got out.

I got out June.

June 23rd or July 23rd or something, but I've only been out, like three months maybe, you know, and when I get.

When you get out, they're supposed to, like, help you be set up with, like, food stamps or whatever you need help with.

And they didn't give me none of that.

You know what I mean?

So it's just like, what do you.

What do you real.

It was just.

And it.

It sucks, man.

It sucks because, you know, taxpayers are paying for.

For, you know, people to be getting rehabilitated, man.

But, you know, I've always said this all my life, is that, you know, I had to really rehabilitate myself, you know, with God's help, you know, and I had to find a way.

I had to ride it out, grind it out, you know, and.

And I think I. I kind of finally got it, you know, maybe not fully yet, you know, but God is still working on me.

He still has his hand in my life, and that's what.

What's all I got.

You know, I. I can only hope that, you know, there's somebody out there that.

That, you know, going through it or feeling like, you know what I mean?

They can't get through it, bro.

She can get through it, you know, I mean, like, you seek God, man, and just give it all to him, and, you know what I mean?

He got, you know, it's.

It's just keeping that faith, you know.

So as you shared this with our listeners, right, And I really appreciate you, you know, pouring your heart out and, you know, telling your story, and you're really saying this to.

By your kids, your family, your wife, you know, your.

Your primos, even J.J. you know, will include him as well.

You know, what would you.

As a final point, what would you want to.

What would you want to convey to, you know, the listeners of this podcast.

You know, no, just.

Just to add, you know, what I just said, you know, that, you know, in life, man, sometimes, you know, like, we hit.

We hit.

We hit areas in your life, you know, we hit areas in our lives that.

That we may not understand, you know, like.

Or situations that happen to us, you know, like.

Or things that happen in life, you know, there's a purpose for that, you know, like, and.

And a lot of it is.

Is just God.

God.

God's work, what.

He's.

What he has, you know, and, you know, I just.

I just want the people to know, you know, that God is real.

You know, Jesus Christ is for reals, you know, and he's.

He's there, man.

You know, he's not.

He doesn't forsake us, you know, he really doesn't.

You know, He's.

He's so good and loving, you know, I just.

I don't know.

I guess that's it, you know?

And I mean, so just to kind of.

I think it'll help, you know, reiterate the point of what you're saying and how you said all through your life, you saw God working.

And I remember when I was a kid, I was maybe 6 or 7, and I heard a preacher talk, preach.

And I don't know why this stuck with me for all these years.

I mean.

I mean, I'm 49 now, so about 42 years ago, I heard this.

And because my mom, sometimes, I don't know if she, you know, crocheted, I don't know what they call it, but it's like.

It's like a wood frame, and they put cloth over it and it has, like, dots and they sew through it, right?

And the preacher talked about, like, when he was a little boy, he would see that, and he would be laying on his mom's lap, and he would look up and you see this.

The threads going through and all kind of threads, and it looks ugly.

And, you know, in our.

In our eyesight that we can see, we look up at that, we're like.

He would say, mom, that looks so ugly.

Like.

Like he thought his mom was terrible at what she was doing, and she finished it and she showed it to him, and he's like, wow.

Like, it looked beautiful.

It was a house, a stream, a beautiful picture, right?

But what he saw was very ugly because he just saw the.

The knots and the ends of the bottom.

The bottom of the threads.

Yeah.

And I think that's.

That's our life, right?

And God Sees the big picture and even the hardships, even our sin, right.

Our consequences, he uses them in our life and paints a beautiful picture that only he could paint.

Right?

And I just.

I get that image, too.

I just see in your life, as you look up, you're like, man, you know, there are a lot of mistakes, right?

And all of us have made mistakes.

And we look at it and we're like, how could God do anything with that?

But he does.

I mean, you sharing your story, I. I believe will help others.

And we may see just the knots and the threads and just the ugliness of it, but God sees a beautiful picture.

And each one of us, as you said, right.

Has a unique picture that he paints in our lives based upon the things he's allowed in our lives, the trials and the tribulation, especially what you're going through right now.

And.

And I encourage our listeners to pray for.

For Peter and, you know, just what he's going through and just the awesomeness of reuniting with your family your first Christmas.

Right.

With your kids, first Thanksgiving.

And there's going to be a lot of first.

And I pray that God gives you many more years first with your family.

But we appreciate you coming on our podcast and sharing your testimony.

It's very powerful.

Yeah, just say thank you, bro.

It's encouraging.

I was.

I was thinking of a verse right now, just kind of what you guys are talking about.

And.

And, yeah, I mean, that, you know, everybody's got the.

The ebbs and flows of life, and some have it worse than I think.

You know, me and my wife talk about this all the time, that, you know, there's always somebody out there that's hurting worse than you are, and there's always somebody that's, you know, broken or there's a lot of brokenness.

You know, look, even in the church, like you, there's people in the church, and there's just a lot of people that are broken.

There's just a lot of trials and tribulations people go through.

But the verse I was thinking about was Romans 8, 28.

I mean, it's one of my favorite verses of the Bible.

And we know that all.

All those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

And I think that's what it is like God.

God can take evil and make good out of it.

He can take.

He can take a broken and fix it.

Right?

I mean, he's just.

That's what he's in the business of doing.

And I think, like you said, too.

You said, you know, kind of like we're a work in progress, right?

We're not there yet, but we're.

And we all are, bro.

Like, all of us are working progress.

But it's encouraging to see, I mean, where God has taken you from.

I mean, we started out in growing up in Guadalupe and, And now you.

I mean, you are in.

In a trial right now, bro.

But, but you're looking back and saying, man, God had his hand in my life at every step of the way, and he still has his hand on my life even in your current situation.

And it's encouraging to me as a believer, as a brother, you know, I mean, we're part of the family of God, right?

Praise God.

Amen.

Yeah, it's, man, it's a beautiful thing to see God working in somebody's life, bro.

So thank you for sharing that story, bro.

It's.

It's heavy, bro, but it's.

But it's.

It's awesome to see how God's working.

In your life, bro.

Yeah.

Thank you, guys.

Thank you guys for having me, man.

I appreciate that, you know, I do.

I. I hope that, that my story can help somebody, you know what I mean?

And, and like I said, I don't.

I don't praise any of the negative stuff that I talked about in my story, you know, and, you know, I just hope that, you know, somebody can find some.

Some type of encouraging, you know, encouragement.

That's all I got.

You know, I mean, that's.

That's what, that's what Peter Daniel got.

So thank you guys for having me, man.

Thanks for.

Thanks for coming on the show, bro.

Appreciate you, bro.

Thank you, man.

All right, From Buckeye.

All the way from Buckeye.

Well, and we just want to thank you guys for joining us for this episode.

And just be sure to.

Be sure to like this, this video.

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Give it a, like, give it a thumbs up, and we'll see you guys in the.

In the next episode.

Yes, sir.

Next time.

Bye for now.

Thank you for listening to the Abundant Life podcast.

We pray you were blessed by today's episode.

Please visit us online at AbundantLife FM.

Until next time.

May God bless Sam.