Episode 23: The Role of a Father
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In this Episode Saso and Ben talk about men and their important role as a father.
F’ATHER, noun [Latin pater. The primary sense is obvious.] He who begets a child; in Latin genitor or generator.
Websters 1828
Key Verse
Ephesians 6:4
- Contentment leads to obedience
- Anger leads to Wrath and then to Disobedience
This verse has 4 important components, one thing not to do and 3 things to do. Although there is one don’t, we will find that there is really more to it than that.
The verse says not to provoke children to wrath or another way to put it is don’t provoke your children to anger or maybe even don’t exasperate your children.
What are some ways we as fathers provoke our kids to wrath?
- Criticism – This is a really good way to completely deflate your child
- Colossians 3:2.
- Criticism is one way to discourage your kid. There is a way to give positive criticism, but if we are honest we typically use criticism in a negative manor which completely deflates a child.
- Remember kids can pick up on tone of voice and even your body language
- Colossians 3:2.
- Over Strictness – It’s easy for parents to be overbearing and controlling because they don’t want to see their kids get hurt, or repeat mistakes they have made. One word that kids hate most is the word no. As a father there are many times we have to say no for certain reasons, however, one suggestion might be to say yes as much as possible with in reason in order to say no for those moments where it must be a hard no.
- There are times that we will need to learn to trust God with our kids.
- Irritability – There are times that we’ve had a difficult day for whatever reason and it just so happens our kid is the straw that breaks the camels back and we yell, or we make a rash decision, or we get short and this is discouraging for our kids. The scripture tells us to be angry and sin not, which is not always easy but our problem is that we let emotions drive us.
- Inconsistency – Kids know how to spot this a mile away and they know how to exploit it too. They can go to dad for one thing and mom for another. Dads, this is why it’s vital to be on the same page as your wife in how you raise your kids. Also this is why its important to be consistent in your discipline. There is nothing more frustrating than getting mixed signals and mixed messages, eventually they will just do whatever they want.
- Favoritism – This is a sure way to provoke your kids to wrath.
- Jacob and Joseph
- Each child is different and you can’t treat them all the same but you must love them equally.
- Ridicule – Making fun of them, putting them down, basically laughing at them and pointing at them is a good way to provoke your kids.
- Comparison – Comparing them with their siblings or to another kids who may never seem to get into trouble or excels at something that your child struggles with. We can even do this when it comes to our own childhood and teenage years as we often tend to look at them in an unrealistic way.
- Conditional acceptance – I will love you more if you do this or manipulate them to have them be what you would have them to be. “I will only accept you if you meet the checklist of my criteria”.
- Public humiliation – Have you ever been public humiliated? How does it feel? Be careful when you correct your kids in public, and ensure you are doing out of true correction and not just because you are embarrassed.
- Neglect – We often get caught up in our work, hobbies, and even ministries, and we forget we have kids. Plants will die if you do not water them and your relationship with your kids will die as well if you do not water those relationships.
- Broken promises- Broken promises leads to mistrust and your words becomes idle and it is a hard to rebuild trust once it is broken. There are things that come up in life, but we ought to do our best to keep our word and especially when it comes to our children
What dads are supposed to do? A.K.A Roles of the Father
- Bring them up – Another way to rephrase this would be to nourish or to feed. In the book Disciplines of a Godly Man, author Kent Hughes talks about this phrase of “bring them up” as to mean “let them kindly be cherished” and also mentions that the overall idea here is to speak to your child with gentleness and friendliness.
- This is talking about loving your child and showing affection and it is imperative that dads do this.
- It is difficult to learn and listen to someone that you know doesn’t care and kids can pick this up. If they know you don’t care, and there is no relationship, child rearing will be a difficult thing.
- Nurture or Discipline – Discipline is super important which can even mean discipline by punishment. Often times dads leave this duty up to moms but according to Kent Hughes in Disciplines of a Godly man, a child gains security and self-esteem by being disciplined by their father.
- Proverbs 29:15
- Proverbs 22:15
- Eli and his worthless sons – There was no discipline, they did what they wanted, they had no regard for the Lord.
- Proverbs 13:24
- Proverbs 23:13-14
- Proverbs 29:17
- Hebrews 12:7
- Admonition or Instruction or Training
- 1828 – Gentle reproof; counseling against a fault; instruction in duties; caution; direction.
- Eli refused to instruct and discipline his sons. They made a mockery of animal sacrifices, they were committing fornication with women at the tabernacle and God brought judgement to Israel because of it.
- 1 Samuel 3:11-13
- Proverbs 22:6
- Deuteronomy 11:18-19
Roles of the Father Continued…
- Encourager – Many times fathers fail at giving praise and exhortation or encouragement.
- Hebrews 12:5-6
- We need to encourage our sons, especially when they live in obedience to God’s word. When was the last time you encouraged your son in the Lord?
- Provider – One of the important roles of a father is to provide for their family. It’s about dads providing for his family but more than that it’s reflecting that God is the one who is actually providing. Jehovah Jireh!
- 1 Timothy 5:8
- Genesis 22:14
- Matthew 6:11
- Leader (Humility)
- We are often taught that leadership is characterized by authority, popularity, beauty, social status, and net worth. But you won’t find that in scripture. As a father we ought to always lead by example of submission and obedience to God. We should be seeking and praying for our children to become more like Christ.
- 1 Timothy 3:12
- Matthew 3:17
- John 5:30
- Teacher
- Deuteronomy 6:5-7
- Proverbs 29:17
- Proverbs 4:1-4
- Protector Matthew 9:9-13
- Psalm 23:4
- The staff was used to fight off predators and protect the flock. As fathers we need to protect our flock. Not just in a physical sense but in a spiritual sense as well.
- What do you allow you kids to watch, and listen to? Who do you allow them to hang out with? Where do you allow them to go? This all plays into protecting you kids.
- Social Media, Email and Text Messaging
- Psalm 23:4
- Helper – As fathers we should be willing to come alongside our children in times of need.
- We should be ready to help them as the grow up.
- Moses and Jethro
- Exodus 18:19
- Friend
- John 15:15
- Dads you are still going to correct, and discipline and do the hard things that a good dad does, but what greater thing than be a friend to your kids.
Joy of Fatherhood
- Psalm 127:3-5
- Proverbs 23:24
A Father’s Love
- Romans 8:32
- Psalm 103:13
- 1 John 3:1
- Matthew 7:11
- John 3:16
Are you fulfilling the role of a godly Father?
Do you know the heavenly Father?
Are you teaching them how to live for this world or to live for God?
What would your children say about you?
What legacy will you leave behind?
May God help us to point our children to our heavenly Father, and may we be the example of the Father’s love.
A Father’s Heart
It should be the desire of every dad for their kids to have a personal and intimate relationship with Jesus.
3 John 1:4
Dads need God’s grace to always point their kids to Jesus. God does grants us that Grace, but we as dads must be humble and obedient.
Many of us dads have had different experiences growing up with our fathers. Some of you had good dads, bad dads or maybe no dad in your life at all. And maybe this has influenced your view of God and ultimately it’s how you are projecting God to your kids. We want to encourage you to pray and study and meditate on the scriptures to know how much God truly loves you.
- Lamentations 3:22
- Psalm 103:8
- John 15:9
- Jeremiah 31:3b
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