Episode 22: Husbands Love Your Wives

Abundant Life Podcast
Abundant Life Podcast
Episode 22: Husbands Love Your Wives

In this Episode Saso and Ben with special guest Rebekah Mendez talk about men and their important role as a husband.

The husband’s role

Ephesians 5:25-33

The home is a testimony to a lost world, and we are to present a home that honors and glorifies Him.

Does your home show a lost world a holy and without blemish picture?

We are commanded first of all to love as Christ loved the church. How did He love the church? He died for it! What greater love than this? 

Do you love your spouse as Christ loved the church? What would your wife say? 

Do you do things to gain “points” or do you things because you love and cherish your wife? There is no mention of gaining of points in the scripture!

Do you love her as you love yourself? 

The husband is to love his wife, he is responsible for the love in the home. Husband sets the love tempo in the home. We are to love

What is her love language?

How can you show consideration? 

How can you show love?

To Love your wife as Christ loved the church is a tall order and a high calling for husbands. It quite a mystery of how God can love the us as we are unlovable, but the scripture tells us He loved us first.

What is love?

God is love according to 1 John 4:16.

1 John 4:16

And because God loved us first we have the ability to love.

1 John 4:19

We know love is more than just a fuzzy feeling in our belly, its more than words spoken although words are important. Love is primarily an action. 

1 John 3:18 – Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

John isn’t saying not to love in word, rather he is saying not only in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

1 Corinthians 13 known as the love chapter gives us a little more insight in defining love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Diane & Rebekah’s Tips For Husbands

Active listening – Men, put down your phones, turn off the TV, put down the hot rod magazine, quit looking at that floor board that you’ve been meaning to fix for the past 3 years, and look at your wife and actively listen. Or as my wife likes to say…stop squirreling…

Listen not fix – Men are naturally problem solvers. We like to fix stuff. But many times your wife doesn’t need to be fixed, she needs emotional release. She just wants someone to listen to her. As much as you want to fix the issue on the spot, just hold back and listen.

Don’t Belittle – When your wife frustrates you or maybe you don’t agree with her opinion, thoughts or logic, simply holster your weapon and choose your words wisely. Remember she can pick up on facial expressions and body language too. Don’t be harsh and don’t speak to her in a condescending manor. We are going to talk about communication more in depth shortly.

Learn to speak her love language – Gary Chapman author of 5 love languages offers a love language quiz. I’ll place a link to it in the show notes. However, I highly recommend that both husband and wife take the quiz and learn each other’s language. There is acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation, quality time and physical touch. Once you know your spouses love language, you will know how to communicate in their language.

Ask your wife’s opinion – Seek the opinion of your wife and seriously consider her position and opinion. She may be able to see blind spots, or have perspective that a husband doesn’t have.

Entrust your feelings – Men don’t just share your joy and happiness and successes, but share your pains, failures, struggles, disappointments, fears, anxieties, sadness etc…Men, it’s ok to share these deep feelings.

Ben’s Advice

Men typically have a tendency to be selfish, and it’s one of the reasons men have difficulty with loving others, however, having a humble attitude and preferring your wife’s needs above your own will flourish your marriage.

Philippians 2:3

One other biblical principal to take with you is to resolve conflicts as soon as possible. I realize that sometimes you may get into a heated argument or exciting conversation as some call it and in the moment, it’s difficult to resolve. Take a little time to cool down and have a meaningful conversation. 

Ephesians 4:26-27 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.

These verses tell first tell us to be angry and sin not. Anger is an emotion, but as a believer you don’t have to act out because of your anger. That’s where self-control comes into play which is fruit of the spirit. Then the verse says not to let the sun go down on your anger. In other words make things right as soon as possible. Maybe you need to seek forgiveness and restitution. Lastly, it’s important to do this because if you don’t you give the devil a foot hold which is opens the door to bitterness.

In our last episode we spoke about wives respecting husbands and in this episode our focus is on husbands loving their wives. Pastor Emerson Eggerichs author of Love and Respect, calls this the Love and Respect connection. He goes on to say that when this connection is broken, it creates what he  calls the crazy cycle which is this: “Without love, she reacts without respect, without respect, he reacts without love”. This is a vicious cycle that will ruin a marriage. 

This is why it’s so important for men to love. Part of love is to forgive and seek forgiveness, otherwise bitterness can creep which can be extremely dangerous.

Unresolved conflict can lead to bitterness which is not good.

Avoid bitterness

Colossians 3:19

Forgiveness is the enemy of bitterness

Ephesians 4:31-32

These verses speak of how we are to act as Christians, but the one we live with is a Christian and we should ever be mindful of how we treat the one God has given us. 

Proverbs 18:22

Are there areas in which you need to submit to your spouse? Are there areas you need to ask for forgiveness? Has God forgiven you?

Do you know to watch your words? Are you kind in what and how you say things? 

Are you bitter?


The following verse is taken out of context with regard to communication, however there is a truth in the first part of the verse that applies.

1 Corinthians 2:11a – For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him?

In other words if you don’t communicate your thoughts how will anyone know what you are thinking. Communication is one of the most important aspects in marriage.

Marriages that struggle seem to struggle because there is a lack of communication. In a recent marriage conference there was a profound statistic that stated 50% of wives have noncommunicating husbands which is terrible.

Communication is an act of the will, it’s a choice. Everyone has different personalities, some are more quiet than others, however regardless of your personality, communication is 100% necessary. Communication develops unity and oneness, and is how we share life with our spouse. 

Here are 3 levels of communication that are extremely important

  1. Day to day events
  2. Decisions that need to be made
  3. When conflict arises

Communication takes practice

Remember it’s not always natural for husbands and wives to communicate. Men you should be intentional with communication. Remember it’s not about you!

Husbands seek to learn more about your wife, just ask her questions. For example, learn her interests, likes and dislikes, sort of like when you were dating and pursuing her and hanging on every word she said to you. Maybe you could read a book together so as to engage in conversation about the book, go for a walk and talk about God’s creation, binge watch The Chosen and talk about it. You could listen sermon together and discuss it or just go grab some tacos and talk. How about praying together?

Abusive relationships

1 Timothy 2:8

We are to spiritual leaders and also lead our wives in prayer and lift our hands in prayer not in wrath towards those God has given us.

Does physical and verbal abuse occur in the Christian home? Sadly, yes it does. 

Malachi 2:13-16

God does not accepts our crying and perceived sorrow when we are not doing right and dealing treacherously with our spouse. 

Abuse is dealing treacherously with the wife who you made a vow to. The vow included protecting her and you are the very one hurting her. 

Dishonesty in the marriage such as adultery, living a double life, be bitter towards her, forgetting the wife of your youth

Proverbs 5:18-19

We live in a culture that tells us to speak our mind. We are so quick to give our opinion so that we can be heard no matter what the cost is even if we squash someones feelings. The problem with that is that we typically hurt those that are closet to us. Words hurt.

This goes back to communication and how you communicate. 

  • James 3:6 & James 3:8
  • Proverbs 15:1
  • Proverbs 15:4
  • Ephesians 4:29

Men you speak harshly to your wife?

Do you speak to her in a condescending way?

Do you belittle your wife when you speak to her?

Not treating her as the weaker vessel 

1 Peter 3:7

Wife are you fulfilling the role God has called you to? Are you acting in reverence? Are you respecting and honoring? Are you submissive? Are you pleasing to God in the home?

Husband are you fulfilling the role God has called you to? Are you loving as God has commanded you to love? Do you love as He loves the church? Are you pleasing to God in the home? 

You will give an account of how you obeyed or chose not to obey. Do you want to hear well done or do you want God not to be pleased with you?

The Purpose of marriage 

Genesis 2:18

It’s profound that God said it’s not good for man to be alone. For most men lonliness is a very difficult thing.

God institutes marriage right after he created the first woman.

Genesis 2:24

Isn’t it beautiful?! One flesh. This speaks the unity of the husband and wife. A husband and wife are united as one, there’s a oneness, sharing life together.

Ephesians 5:31

Husbands do you see your marriage as a oneness? Do you have separate lives, your friends vs. her friends, your church vs. her church, your car vs. her car, your bank account vs. her bank account, your bills vs. her bills, your time vs. her time. 

Men please stop living separate lives, because God intended for there to be unity in the marriaage.

Marriage is picture of Christ and the church. We would never say, I gave my life to Christ, but my job is off-limits. We can’t compartmentalize our lives only giving certain elements to our spouse. The scripture is pretty specific, two become one.

Men this is not a bad thing, this is the way God intended it to be and it’s a beautiful thing.


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